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| Photo courtesy of the Wisconsin State Fair. |
What’s that smell, you ask?
It’s the sweet aromas of vegetable oil, cow manure and body odor gently wafting through the air and wrapping themselves into a fragrant bow just as they enter your nose. Nope, it’s not Christmas or your birthday. It’s Wisconsin State Fair time!
The state fair circuit usually tends to be reserved for over-the-hill acts on reunion tours with half of their original members, and this year’s lineup is no exception. And though it might not be the most compelling group of artists ever assembled, state fair etiquette allows for an interesting experience with some enjoyable behaviors that wouldn’t be tolerated in your normal club setting. For instance, at state fair it is encouraged to yell out the name of the band’s biggest single at every opportunity until they finally play it as their encore. And the dress code? Well if you choose to wear a shirt at all (fully optional, by the way), you can certainly wear the shirt of the band you’re going to see. Starting to get the picture?
With this in mind, here is our guide to how to make the most out of your truly unique Wisconsin State Fair experience.
Thursday, Aug. 4: MC Hammer with Tone Loc and Young MC at 7:30 p.m. ($15/$25/$35)
Why Check It Out: I’ve often wondered how it works when you get a couple one- and two-hit-wonders together to open a show. Do they each just play their hit and get off the stage, or do they wow you with deep cuts and new material before blowing you away with “Funky Cold Medina?” Only one way to find out, I guess.
What You Should Wear: Although the parachute pants are required apparel, the rest of the outfit has room for interpretation. Do you add the open-chested parachute shirt, the suspenders with no shirt, or the silk zip up shirt? Whatever you decide, be sure to accent tastefully with a large gold necklace. And as long as you’re rocking the parachute pants, you might as well hit up the giant slide. You won’t even need the burlap sack!
What Song You Should Yell For: Sure, you could yell along with the sheep (there will literally be sheep there!) for “U Can’t Touch This” or “2 Legit 2 Quit,” or you could blaze your own path and request “This Is What We Do” from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie soundtrack.
Saturday, Aug. 6: Big Time Rush with Greyson Chance at 7 p.m. ($20/$30/$40)
Why Check It Out: Apparently this is some sort of fake boy band from a Nickelodeon show about hockey players from Minnesota. The bad news: Tickets are nearly sold out for this show. The good news: Unless you have a pre-teen daughter, you probably don’t have to go.
What You Should Wear: If you end up having to tag along with the kid, you might want to wear some large sunglasses and possibly a fake moustache so nobody recognizes you as you enter. Might I also recommend a fake nose? It’s a minor expense and adds a whole other layer to the anonymity game!
What Song You Should Yell For: Mercy. Not a song, but the actual concept of mercy.
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| Photo courtesy of the Wisconsin State Fair. |
Thursday, Aug. 11: Whitesnake with Skid Row and L.A. Guns at 7 p.m. ($20/$30/$40)
Why Check It Out: The attempt to bring cock rock back into the nostalgic mainstream consciousness continues, and apparently everyone is looking to get in on it. But why is Skid Row opening for Whitesnake? I have no idea.
What You Should Wear: This outfit lays itself out: Leather pants (if you can still fit into them), cutoff jean jacket (if your significant other hasn’t thrown it away) and plenty of Aqua Net (if they still make it). For the ladies, be sure to wear something loose-fitting and comfortable that will come off easily when it comes time to flash your goods to Sebastian Bach.
What Song You Should Yell For: Yell for Skid Row to play “18 and Life.” Then, when Whitesnake takes the stage, yell for Skid Row to come back out and play “18 and Life” again.
Friday, Aug. 12: Oak Ridge Boys with Billy Dean at 8 p.m. ($10/$20/$25/$30)
Why Check It Out: If there were ever a band built for the state fair circuit, it would be the Oak Ridge Boys. This quartet contains zero original members, has a past member list almost as long as its discography, and continues to get by on the strength of songs written 30 years ago. And they’re old!
What You Should Wear: Cowboy hat on top, Oak Ridge Boys 1987 World Tour t-shirt tucked into your uncomfortably tight black denim jeans on bottom. Yeah, that ought to do it!
What Song You Should Yell For: “Elvira.” Duh…
