Finally – a new age of bowling has arrived in Milwaukee, the bowling capital of America. The New Fashioned in the Deer District opened in April with eight lanes of “HyperBowling” – a neon-lit take on ten-pin where bowlers intentionally hit the bumpers to score more points. But does it add or take away from Cream City’s classic game? MilMag editors gave it a spin (a roll?), and although it wasn’t quite as thrilling or flashy as advertised, we found the bumper-bouncing action to be a fun challenge, and the game felt faster-paced than regular bowling. Weeknight pricing at $12.99 per person for an hour makes it a great candidate for a casual get-together. If you’re looking for extra excitement, the beer wall on site might help.
Read our roundtable discussion about the experience below:
Tell us who you’d pick to be a Betty this year!
Evan Musil: I was going to ask about first impressions. I didn’t think the first-floor lanes would immediately be there as we walked in.
Archer Parquette: The atmosphere, I will admit, was a little underwhelming. Hearing that we were going “HyperBowling,” I was expecting to be transported to a neon dreamworld, in which an angelic chorus synthesizers played in sync to the beat of my heart – a “HyperWorld,” one might say. Instead, it was bowling lanes. But hey, there was beer.
EM: The lights on the lanes were cool and colorful, but the windows nearby didn’t help them pop, especially since the sun was still out.
AP: The windows were an issue – sunlight of all kinds hurts me (as does garlic and crucifixes, but that’s neither here nor there).
Brianna Schubert: I agree – sunlight bowling is an interesting choice. But I bet it’s kind of fun when it’s evening and the place is busier. Then maybe you feel like the entertainment for the bargoers.
EM: It does feel like you’re on a stage, right? The way the lanes are elevated above the rest of the place.
AP: Agreed. I felt very exposed. Anyone could have watched me bowling abysmally. And they all could have pointed and laughed and said, “Stinky boy bad at bowling,” and then I would have cried, and that would have been embarrassing. These are the things one must consider when bowling.
BS: Well, I live for the spotlight, so the stage was kind of a treat in that sense.
EM: How did we feel about the game itself? For reference, each “challenge” (essentially a frame) has only one roll per person, and there are five challenges per “level.” The aim of the game is to actually hit the bumpers as you bowl, and the bumpers are lit up in multiple colors! Depending on what color you hit first, it multiplies your score of pins knocked down. Not going to lie, it took a full level for those rules to click for me.
AP: There was a bit of a learning curve, but I feel like it was very conquerable during the first level. Although when you’re paying by the hour those minutes are precious. Although also, everyone learning together, and messing up, is kind of fun in itself.
BS: I agree – the game was fun! I loved how the changing lights on the bumpers could give you different scores – it kept it all a bit more interesting than regular bowling. Admittedly, it was a little confusing.
AP: It was actually pretty challenging, trying to figure out the best angles to bounce off the bumper and still knock over as many pins as possible. Sometimes it felt like it just rewarded hucking the ball like a moron straight at the side, but for a moron like myself that was welcome.
EM: At first, it was low risk, high reward. The entirety of the two bumpers were lit up in the first level, so you were always going to get a multiplier. As the game went on, the colors got smaller in size, which meant a greater chance of no multiplier, or a multiplier of zero, which nets you nothin’. It was a little more challenging, which made it pretty fun.
AP: I thought the challenge was most fun after around level 3, when they introduced the yellow multiplier and the colors started moving around. That was when I felt the competition in my bones.
EM: That’s when my game went awry. Being the journalist I am, I intentionally hit the red (a multiplier of zero) for research purposes, to see what happens. And the game and/or fate punished me for it. Every other roll for me went straight into the gutter.
AP: Personally, I think the hyper gods were smiting you for your disrespect – to intentionally hit a red is an affront to their way of being.
EM: If you don’t play hyper, you might as well go home.
BS: So many levels. Endless HyperBowling.
AP: Listen, I could HyperBowl forever … with a few drinks. Oh, also, worth noting we were all sober for this. Which I think is not necessarily the usual approach people take to bowling the hypers. At least not with the giant beer pour wall a few steps away.
BS: Yeah, the folks next to us were having a GREAT time. (They were definitely not sober.) Not that we weren’t having a great time – it was genuinely fun – but they were like, really having a great time. All in.
AP: Should we talk about the cost?
EM: We played on a Thursday evening with no other events happening nearby, which meant open lanes and pretty decent pricing at $13 per person for one hour. At peak HyperBowling hours, though, it’s $108 per lane per hour.
BS: Okay, can I be honest? $108 per hour is a lot. What’s regular bowling cost anyways? Five bucks?
AP: That doesn’t come with anything else, right? Shoes? Drinks? Cheese? A pat on the head?
BS: Just endless possibilities of fun.
EM: Speaking of regular bowling, you can do that, if you desire. Although after the thrills of HyperBowling, regular bowling felt slow, tedious, unexciting.
AP: Yeah, I’m not sure why you’d pay big money for the lane just to regular bowl, when you could HyperBowl.
BS: Agreed. So, I guess the verdict is if you want to try a new bowling-inspired game, give HyperBowling a try. Get some friends and a few drinks, and you’ll have an hour of pure entertainment.
EM: It’s not as flashy as it seems, but it is a good deal of fun. Certainly a solid idea for a weeknight out. Archer, do you want to talk about your resounding victory?
BS: Ugh, Don’t remind me of my failure.
AP: In the midst of the game, I became convinced that Evan and Brianna conspired to throw the game in order to boost my self-confidence. But then I realized that they were both just really terrible at this. I kid, I kid. I was also terrible. But somehow, I squeaked out a win. Does it mean anything? No. Will I bring it up for the rest of eternity? Yes.
EM: I mean, Brianna’s basically a pro. Were all those league bowling nights for naught?
BS: I was actually in a bowling league, so losing this game really shook my confidence.
AP: Oh, were you in a bowling league?! You never mentioned that! Not even eleven, twelve times!
Our Ratings
Evan Musil:
HyperBowling: 8/10
Regular ol’ bowling: 7.5/10
Archer Parquette:
HyperBowling: 8.78/10
Regular bowling: 8.23/10 (9.18 if the alley smells of cigarettes)
“I’ve never been the biggest bowler, but after this experience, I could see myself becoming a regular. Enjoyment was had, no doubt.”
Brianna Schubert
HyperBowling: 9/10
Regular bowling: 9/10.
“They’re both fun in their own way. Would be even more fun with beer and food.”
Editor’s note: An earlier version of this story included an incorrect number of lanes. There are eight total lanes.
