Top 10 Signs Winter Has Begun To Ruin the New Year

Everyone has their breaking point, even hardcore Milwaukeeans.

10) No longer sure the snow-covered lump in the backyard is just the lawn chair you forgot to put away.

9) Actually getting to the reading you’ve been meaning to do for some months now, and by reading, we mean the street signs that say something about “snow emergency, towing, December through February,” etc.

8) Looking forward to trips to the gas station and/or grocery store as a “chance to get out” and mingle with the other walking conglomerations of winter clothes. At least, you think they’re walking.

7) Every day, you’re expanding the definition of snow shoes.

6) More layers than baklava. Also, you keep finding walnuts in the strangest places.

5) Is it dangerous to use your gas oven as a space heater? You decide that the answer to this question is An Inconvenient Truth all your own.

4) You haven’t looked forward to Easter this much since you thought bunnies laid eggs.

3) Ice sculpture emerges as the leading form of street art. #2 form: mixed media, abstract expressionism, yellow snow and road salt.

2) Google auto-completes everything with: “sweaters.”

1) Pining for a reprisal of the holidays.

Please contact your doctor if you experience any of these symptoms.



Matt has written for Milwaukee Magazine since 2006, when he was a lowly intern. Since then, he’s held the posts of assistant news editor and, most recently, senior editor. He’s lived in South Carolina, Tennessee, Connecticut, Iowa, and Indiana but mostly in Wisconsin. He wants to do more fishing but has a hard time finding worms. For the magazine, Matt has written about city government, schools, religion, coffee roasters and Congress.