Here’s What You Missed This Week in Milwaukee: May 21

We got superheroes, custard, and the rage-inducing frustration of faulty technology, this week in MKE.

Leon’s New Custard Flavor

This week, Leon’s broke 30 years of unchanging custardy tradition and rolled out a brand new flavor.  On Monday, they hit the internet with a contest, promising a free pint of the new custard to the first five folks to guess the flavor in the comments. Then on Friday, they upped it to 10 winners and unveiled the new flavor – Blue Moon. That’s cool, but I’m still kinda irritated that my guess didn’t win. I suppose Leon’s just isn’t cool enough for “Shrimp and Cereal” flavored custard. I’ll just have to keep making my own.

John Ridley’s Black Panther

Ta-Nehisi Coates is ending his run on the Black Panther comics, and is now being replaced by Milwaukee’s own Oscar-winning writer John Ridley. Ridley already made an appearance in one of these columns a few weeks back, so we won’t dwell too much on how cool it is that he didn’t just ditch Milwaukee for Los Angeles and has contributed a lot to our city. We’ll just say a couple quick things:

  1. I know we can’t honestly expect Ridley to bring Black Panther, who lives in Wakanda, to Milwaukee, but come on. Please? That would be extremely cool. Milwaukee gets no love from Marvel. Can’t we be the sight of massive alien destruction for once?
  2. Ranking of the top five superheroes (not counting Watchmen, which stands in a category by itself):
    1. Swamp Thing
    2. Wolverine
    3. The Punisher
    4. Daredevil
    5. Red Hood
      Am I wrong? Sure, but in an interesting way.
  3. If you’re looking for a little bit of local superhero action, look no further than the Great Lakes Avengers, a squadron of comic heroes, including Big Bertha and Squirrel Girl. 
Vintage Great Lakes Avengers

June 1, Baby

Last week, we hit you with the news that Milwaukee was re-opening on June 15, and then Mayor Tom Barrett came out a few days later – after the CDC said no masks for the vaxxed – and moved the date up to June 1. Eleven days, and then Milwaukee will be just like man’s capacity for evil – no limits.

Scooters

As of this week, it’s looking like those Bird, Lime and Spin scooters will make a better-planned return to Milwaukee. The problem last time, in the summer of 2018, was that Bird dropped 100 scooters Downtown against state law and annoyed everyone. Now there’s a broader program set up so that one may scoot across the whole city. Plus, the riders are now legally obligated to stay under 15 mph, not on the sidewalk, and to park responsibly. We can hope this turns out well, although of course, there’s always the possibility…

Photo by Kris Krug, courtesy of Lime

Scooters

Stupid freakin’ things. All over the place. No one obeying the speed limits. Zooming down the sidewalk like psychos. Leaving the things in the street. “Park responsibly” my tookus.

Yet Another Restaurant Closing

Just about every other week, we have new closings to report. Celesta, a plant-based restaurant on the East Side, went down Thursday. We did a photo shoot there for our “Mad for Meatless” dining feature back in January and snapped some appetizing photos (see below). Here’s hoping that Milwaukee’s re-opening means the “Downs” column won’t be constantly filled with lost restaurants in the weeks to come.

Celesta’s gluten-free flatbread topped with roasted garlic and fennel, vegan mozzarella cream sauce, olives, sunflower seeds and mint parsley oil (Photo by Chris Kessler)

Slow Internet

As I type this, blood drips down my knuckles and the echoes of screams hang heavy in the air. Mid Zoom-meeting, my laptop crashed, taking with it the 82 files I had open. The ol’ Macbook had been heavy breathing for a while, and I guess work from home just finally became too much for it. And then, I suppose, throwing it out the window and beating into the dirt while screaming Ted Kaczynski quotes probably wasn’t a good idea on my part. But the frustration of dealing with faulty technology hits something deep, deep down in the caveman part of the brain – something that calls for scorched earth. And now the state of Wisconsin is joining in that primordial need for technological revenge. On Wednesday, the Federal Trade Commission along with Wisconsin and five other states sued Frontier Communications, alleging that they charged customers for better internet services than they received. The complaint says that Frontier shortchanged 1.3 million customers, largely in rural areas, with cheap, slow, old DSL internet. According to the Lake Geneva News, Frontier says “the lawsuit is without merit.” We’ll see how this plays out. All I know is that if my laptop crashes one more time I willllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll///ll/dsfkl

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Archer is the managing editor at Milwaukee Magazine. Some say he is a great warrior and prophet, a man of boundless sight in a world gone blind, a denizen of truth and goodness, a beacon of hope shining bright in this dark world. Others say he smells like cheese.