The Chef Event
Wednesday night marked the return of Milwaukee Mag’s annual Chef Event after a two-year pandemic hiatus. The event brought together some of the best chefs in Milwaukee to cook small plates for over 200 guests and participate in a panel discussion. The food was delicious, the chefs made for some entertaining back-and-forth, and I’m glad to report the evening was a success.
The Brewers Might Pick up Your Tab
For each of the 13 remaining Friday away games in the Brewers season, the team will choose a bar or restaurant where fans flock to watch the game, and a Brew Crew player will cover the bill for every customer there. The team won’t name the chosen establishments beforehand, so no one can game the system. This is an awesome idea and once again proves that the Brewers are the best, but I am a little concerned that the players might not know what they’re in for. I know you guys are millionaires, but have you been to a Wisconsin bar on game night? We could ruin Bezos.
Christian Yelich Hits His First Homer of 2022
In other Brewers news, Christian Yelich hit his first homer of the year last week. I had a joke for this story that was about Christian Yelich hitting Homer Simpson. But then I realized it was an almost aggressively dumb joke that only fell under an extremely generous definition of the word “humor.” So I deleted it and replaced it with this part explaining my failure. This is the kind of innovative meta-comedy you get from the Weekly Ups and Downs. Anyway, I’m told Yelich has been hitting the ball well so far this season, even if his numbers haven’t reflected it, so hopefully a bounce-back after two decidedly un-Yeli-like years is on order.
Tommy Thompson Isn’t Running for Governor
This week, Tommy Thompson, the 80-year-old former governor of Wisconsin, announced that he would not be running for office this year, despite speculation to the contrary. This makes sense to me – it’s high time that long-serving politicians let the young generation step up to lead! And by young generation, I mean me and also people who agree with me, but mostly me. I have many innovative ideas to improve Milwaukee, such as demolishing Fiserv Forum to build a new parking lot – there’s never any street parking available down there anymore, and something needs to be done! Also, converting all water fountains in public schools into coffee dispensers – our children need energy! And of course, the establishment of a new Department of Public Good, which will be budgeted for $5 million dollars in state funding to be used at the discretion of the department’s head, who will just so happen to be my cousin Ricky. I think these ideas have the potential to change the world, and all I need is the support of hard-working Wisconsinites like yourself.
Know an individual or group committed to bridging divides in our community? Nominate them for a Unity Award by Oct. 31.
Mayor Chevy Sends Meats and Cheeses to Stephen A. Smith
During the Bucks championship playoff run last year, ESPN talking head Stephen A. Smith insulted Milwaukee, and his fellow “First Take” host called it a “terrible city.” That caused quite the hubbub. Now, newly elected Mayor Cavalier Johnson is preempting another such incident by sending Smith a basket of local goods, like meat and cheese, along with a video praising our city. This is pretty cool, and I love the support for Milwaukee, but I think there’s a problem here. Let me tell you from personal experience – when someone insults and rejects you, sending that person boxes of meat will not win them back. All that gets you is a restraining order and a lifetime Tinder ban. Don’t make the same mistakes I have, Mayor Johnson.
No Deer District Party
This week’s Deer District party for game two of the Bucks’ first playoff series was canceled due to the bad weather on Wednesday. When my buddy told me, I thought maybe this was like high school, when someone telling me “The party’s canceled” actually meant “The party’s not canceled at all. You weren’t supposed to be invited because you make people uncomfortable and you smell. Please don’t come.” So I showed up anyway. Turns out the Deer District actually was canceled – and it was raining quite a bit. Guess I put on deodorant for nothing.
Aaron Rodgers Was Picked Off by a College Junior
Darius Maxwell, a football player at Saddleback College, was playing in a charity flag football game against Aaron Rodgers this weekend in California. The whippersnapper had the temerity to intercept a pass from our legendary QB. Afterward, he handed the ball back to a laughing Rodgers, who took it in stride (and then used the next series to murder Maxwell on a deep pass).