Let’s face it. We have all, in one way or another, been victims of holiday fashion crimes – the well-meant gift of clothing or apparel that was absolutely hideous.
About seven years ago, I was on the receiving end of one of those “Wow, that’s interesting!” presents. My older sister, her eyes gleaming with anticipation, handed me a beautifully wrapped gift and watched as I tore it open. Upon lifting the lid of the box, I sensed impending doom. “How do you like it?” she said, smiling broadly. “It’s really unique! Thank you,” I managed. In the box was a Guatemalan, hand-woven vest in day-glow colors of predominantly orange and black. Competing for attention were the hand-carved wooden buttons that, I think, were supposed to resemble giraffes. Not only did I hate it, but I also wondered if my dear sister had ever really looked at me. I am not against ethnic, earth shoe, hippie-type stuff, but it is nothing I have ever worn. This is why buying apparel and accessories as gifts at any time of the year, but especially during the holidays, is like playing Russian roulette.
In the spirit of the holidays, I asked Milwaukeeans to recount their most woefully bad gifts. Their fantastic stories follow as well as seven gift-giving tips. Save yourself. Read the tips.
– A friend gave me a calf-length, off-purple sweater with numerous figures and designs knitted on in bright colors. It was not only ugly but also horrific. Obviously, I’m still not over it. Other life issues can be forgotten, but fashion disasters never quite leave my mind. – Kimberly Gomez, Impeccable Image LLC, Waukesha
– I did not receive clothing but instead was gifted with a small blue satin purse with cheap marabou feathers along the top. Ugh. Hopefully my friend who gave it to me years ago won’t read this. – Lisa Malmarowski, director of brand and store development, Outpost Foods, Milwaukee
– When I was 17, my grandmother presented me with a T-shirt that had silk flower appliqués outlined in puffy paint. The shirt had obvious signs of wear, including a spill stain. No, grandma wasn’t senile, if that’s what you’re wondering. I think we regifted it right back to her a few years later. – Shelly Long, mother of two, East Side, Milwaukee
– When I was in middle school, I got a pair of K-Mart brand, bright-orange, one-piece, zip-up long johns with a flap. My mom still has it, and we use it when someone in the family wants to dress like a pumpkin for Halloween. -Tanya Armstrong, hairdresser, Riverwest, Milwaukee
– My mother-in-law gave me an eyelash-knit purse with a knit shoulder strap. It was dark purple with pink and gold shiny accents. The worst part was that the note attached said that when she saw the purse, it made her think of me. I’ve never been able to figure out which part of me exactly, but I was not flattered. – Carrie Arrouet, Lela Boutique, Historic Third Ward
6 Fashion Gift-Giving Tips
Clearly, giving fashion gifts can be hazardous. Fashion is a personal statement, like decorating your home. Would you give someone a sofa? No. Why do you think so many people give candles and such at this time of year? Because they’re practical and will mix with almost any décor. In other words, they’re safe. But apparel gifts aren’t out of the question. Here are some basic rules:
- Provide a gift receipt. If you don’t want the receiver to know how much you spent, then rethink giving it at all.
- Stick to practical items. These could include luxury items such as neutral cashmere, woolen or other knit gloves, scarves and sweaters.
- Absolutely no holiday-themed anything.
- Jewelry is OK if it’s ubiquitous, like diamond studs, tennis bracelets, nice watches and simple gold or silver chains.
- Gift cards are always appreciated. People say they seem too utilitarian, but in reality, they are most certainly the best bet, especially for an aspiring fashionista.
- Just because it has a designer name doesn’t not mean it’s fashionable.
Just check out the hideous Louis Vuitton bag from the Sex and the City film and the Alexander McQueen scarf. Nothing says happy holidays like a skull-and-
crossbones motif.
I know many of you give wonderful fashion gifts to family and friends, but according to people I spoke with, you are the minority. So as I sit here in my Guatemalan vest from sis, pointy hand knit elf slippers from my niece and “funny” hat from grandma, I implore you to give a little thought as to why so many retailers sell gift cards.
Share your Christmas gift horror stories in comments. On the flip side, I would love to know what your favorite fashion gift was and why. We might use it in a future blog!
And as always, I can be reached at bjorn@milwaukeemagazine.com.
