Unlike the air brushed babies in the parenting magazines, our baby cries. I know it’s not personal when our daughter cries. I know that she’s not saying: “You’re a failure as a father! Now I’m going to date a drummer!” I understand that it’s her only method of communication, but lately, she’s been doing a lot of communicating.
As soon as she cries, I begin a series of checks; I rub her forehead to see if she’s tired, I sniff her diaper to see if she’s dirty, and I offer her my knuckle to suckle to see if she’s hungry. 95 percent of the time, this checklist answered the alarm…until recently.
Lately, she’s been experimenting with the sound and volume of her cries. For instance, she now knows that when she really pushes from her diaphragm and closes her throat, it makes a sound that brings daddy immediately, because, to daddy, it sounds like a boa constrictor strangling a bagpipe.
But if, as communication, her crying is becoming more nuanced, shouldn’t I become more thoughtful with my responses? What happens when “Rub, Sniff, Knuckle Suckle” doesn’t work anymore?
For some “No Cry” parents, allowing a child to cry for even one minute is cruel. It flies in the face of everything primal and natural. You know, Nature; where the Alpha Male often eats the offspring of another.
Conversely, your “Baby Wise” types see crying it out (CIO) as an opportunity to break the child of weakness, because Life is, at its essence, pain, and we are to bear it stoically. (This is the method most employed by Lutherans.)
In between is the Ferber Method, which got its name from a little-known Emo/Synth band in 2003. The Ferber Method is more about sleep training, but it’s not a stretch to apply it to crying in general.
I agree that, during the first 3 months (the Fourth Trimester), baby’s cries are very utilitarian and should be addressed immediately and thoroughly, but in her fourth month, I’m finding a need to balance the power.
But how? And how much is too much? Where is the line between a teachable moment, and the neighbors calling Child Services?
Just not a drummer, honey. A bass player maybe; but not a drummer.
