Illustration by Gluekit
They’re shameless and attention-starved. They cheat, mug and backstab. But they’ve become famous, and we couldn’t be more proud of them. Well, sort of.
Smartest Dummy – Erinn Lobdell
Lobdell was on “Survivor: Tocantins” and is also a stylist at Milwaukee’s Glow Salon & Spa. In her CBS bio, she admits many people don’t think she’s very smart, but claims this allows her to be “dumb like a fox.” Do tell.
Most Overexposed – Kaya Wittenburg
The Brookfield native and Marquette University graduate has never met a reality show he didn’t like. The “hollow-headed hunk,” as Entertainment Weekly dubbed him, has been on “Temptation Island,” “Kathy’s So-Called Reality,” “The Test” and “Dog Eat Dog.” He also served as the romance expert on MTV’s “A Perfect Date,” won a celebrity edition of “The Weakest Link” and (whew) participated in “Cannonball Run 2001: Race Across America” on a team with fellow Wisconsinite Susan Hawk.
Biggest Good ol’ Boy – Landon Lueck
Even though Lueck is now known for his MTV celebrity status, this River Falls native and UW-Madison alum first made headlines in 2003. He was arrested and pleaded guilty to assaulting a police horse at a UW football game. The Smoking Gun said he was placed in a “deferred prosecution/first offender program” and completed it before his stint on “The Real World: Philadelphia.”
Most Prim – Cortney Sauter
This Muskego native was one of 12 uptown girls vying for the love of “Outback Jack” on TBS’s 2004 show. Before meeting him, however, the 2001 Miss Wisconsin USA had to parachute out of a plane with an evening gown tucked into her flight suit. She was the ninth contestant eliminated and is now married to racecar driver Johnny Sauter.
Most Romantic – Molly Malaney
The Milwaukee resident and Kohl’s buyer was originally the runner-up on season 13 of “The Bachelor.” But then, in a dramatic switcheroo, she was ultimately selected after Jason Mesnick broke up with winner Melissa Rycroft. At first, Malaney told Ellen DeGeneres, she thought she was getting “punked,” but she and Mesnick are now blissfully dating. It’s a happy (so far) ending to a reality drama that Malaney said was “like a car wreck; you just can’t look away.”
Meanest – Susan Hawk
The Waukesha truck driver was the fan favorite in the first season of “Survivor.” But she placed fourth and is best known for her “rat and snake” speech, in which she told finalist Kelly Wiglesworth, “If I would ever pass you along in life and you are laying there dying of thirst, I would not give you a drink of water. I would let the vultures take you and do whatever they want with you with no ill regrets.” (Ill regrets?) She also appeared on celebrity editions of “Dog Eat Dog” and “The Weakest Link.”
Most Pious – Julie Stoffer
She is best known for being the “Mormon one” on “The Real World: New Orleans” who was suspended from BYU for breaking its rules while a cast member. She also suggested the show was – get ready for a shock – not quite real. “It’s edited for drama,” Stoffer noted. “The show has writers, so that tells you something.”
Funniest – Jackie Kashian
A semifinalist on the fourth season of NBC’s “Last Comic Standing,” Kashian hails from South Milwaukee where, as a kid, she wanted to be blind so she could get a dog. She didn’t get “the big bag of money” she hoped for, but has been a national touring comic for over 10 years, appearing on Comedy Central, NBC and A&E.
Most Opaque – Mike Dutz
Dutz, who grew up in Three Lakes, is a painting contractor and model who appeared on Lifetime’s “Gay, Straight or Taken?” (He was the straight, available one.) But he’s best known for being evicted on “Big Brother 8.” He just couldn’t bond with the other cast members. Fellow houseguest Dustin offered this slap-down: “Mike, I’m sorry, you’ve been in the house for three weeks, and I know four things about you: You’re from Wisconsin, you like planes, you’re a model, and you eat a lot of meat.”
Second-Most Overexposed – Mark Lambrecht
A Mukwonago High School teacher, Lambrecht is also a reality TV aficionado, having appeared on five shows and winning “Press Your Luck,” “The Weakest Link” and, most notably, season five of “The Mole.” Before winning the latter show, he asked his wife, “You know how I am – if there’s a game in front of me I’m going to win it. So tell me right now if there’s anything you don’t want me to do,” to which she replied, “Do not run around naked.” Fortunately for the impressionable students at his high school, Lambrecht complied, refusing to strip to his underwear for the dress code mission on “The Mole.”
Most Monogamous – Melinda Stolp
The Germantown native joined the ranks of inner-Real World marriages when she wedded fellow “The Real World: Austin” castmate Danny Jamieson. He proposed before the reunion show and the two married in August 2008 with most of the cast in attendance.
Most Dishonest – Greg Matzek
Matzek is a Milwaukee radio producer and Water Street bartender who competed on ESPN’s “Beg, Borrow & Deal 2.” Applicants for the show had to answer some “awesome” questions, he told OnMilwaukee.com: “They asked me to name a time in my life when I used deception for personal gain. I couldn’t think of a time in my life when I hadn’t.”
Most Trusting – Leann Slaby
Though betrayed by her female allies, Slaby still made the jury in “Survivor: Vanuatu.” And the Wausau native didn’t blame her conniving castmate Twila. “She did what you’re supposed to do,” Slaby told People magazine. “Everybody knows you’ve got to lie to people. I just thought, ‘I’m one of the final seven and I’ve gotten this far without having to lie to anyone.’… That was my downfall.”
Least Well-Read – Scotty Dickert
This Brookfield native was, argh, one of 15 straight guys vying for the love of the bisexual Tila Tequila on “A Shot at Love 2.” According to TV.com, Dickert’s biggest fear is reading, but he’s not afraid of music. The model and tennis player has a local band, Uakari.
Biggest Media Darling – Danny Gokey
He was Entertainment Weekly’s predicted winner of season eight of “American Idol” before the top 13 even began performing. Also a top pick of judges Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell and a favorite of former “Idol” winner Fantasia and High School Musical star Ashley Tisdale. “I was freaking out,” Tisdale told MTV of her encounter with the Milwaukee native. “I waited for Danny Gokey to come out of the bathroom, and he was, like, freaking out.” A whole lotta freaking out going on.
Most Sheltered – Sean Duffy
Now a district attorney in Ashland County, Duffy is married and has five children with “The Real World: San Francisco” castmate Rachel Campos. Duffy himself was on “The Real World: Boston,” where he said fellow cast members Syrus and Kameelah were the only black people he knew.
Most Annoying – Tina Panas
Known as “Tina Fabulous” while making it to the final three on season three of “The Bachelor.” She annoyed other contestants by always wearing bachelor Andrew Firestone’s watch, then “crushed” him by not giving him “a heartfelt goodbye.” After being eliminated, she said life with Firestone, whose family owns vineyards, didn’t really thrill her anyway: “I don’t think that being barefoot and pregnant on a vineyard is fabulous.” She envisioned a mate that she’d let drink beer and watch football with the guys. “And then I would leave… with his credit card!”
