Dear Nikol,
My girlfriend has never masturbated in her life. She is 20 years old and says that she is afraid of stuff like that. She keeps telling me that she feels it’s a sin. Can you give me some help so I can make her understand it’s okay for her to start masturbating?
– Mr. B
Oh, Mr. B,
If you can’t make her start masturbating then how in the world do you expect me to? I am not going to show up with a stack of porn, a vibrator and a gym teacher whistle around my neck so she and I can have a Rocky -esque, learning-to-masturbate montage.
Seriously, though, if your girlfriend believes it is a sin to masturbate you should stop pressuring her to do it. Her lack of masturbation is not hurting you, but until she stops thinking it is a sin it would mentally be hurting her to masturbate. Imagine if you thought you would go to hell for getting a second round of breadsticks at The Olive Garden. Even though everyone knows you’d be crazy not to go for that second basket, you would probably forgo the buttery goodness to avoid eternal damnation.
Yes, masturbation is healthy. It is a great way to know your body, helps you become comfortable expressing what you like, and releases endorphins into the blood. It’s great for relieving stress. It is safe. And it sure beats watching infomercials on a Tuesday afternoon. Maybe as you and your girl get more comfortable with each other she will ask you more about masturbation. Perhaps it will be something the two of you can build enough trust to explore. For now, back off.
Something you can do that will go a long way with your not-bating lady is to ask her to talk to you more about her beliefs – but not so you can try to change them. You should listen to what she has to say so that you can try to understand her perspective on life. If you plan to be with her for any amount of time that can be some pretty useful information. Just be sure your motivation is pure and that you aren’t just half listening and saying “uhhuh” in the hopes that one day she’ll double click the mouse.
– Nikol
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Questions? If you have a question for Nikol, you can reach her confidentially at lovesexetc@milwaukeemagazine.com.Your anonymity will be protected.
