Dear Nikol,
I’m having some issues. Every time my boyfriend fingers me, it hurts like no other, especially when he’s taking it out. When I do it to myself it barely hurts. Is it just because his fingers are bigger? He only uses one and he goes really slow and gently and I’m always relaxed and ready lubrication-wise. It really worries me because I want to have sex with him fairly soon (after I get birth control, of course, which is a whole other issue). But I just feel like my vagina is out to get me. I can’t even use tampons because I can’t seem to get them in far enough. Fix my vagina, Nikol!
– Broken Vagina
Dear Broken Vagina,
Girl, I can’t even fix my garbage disposal, but I’m too stubborn to call a plumber. However, you need to call a vagina plumber (known in some circles as a gynecologist) because something isn’t right.
Since your problem extends beyond just being fingered, and the issue isn’t that you aren’t relaxed or lubricated, that indicates pretty clearly that the problem is medical in nature. I can speculate as to a few possible problems, but you’re going to need to get a professional opinion as well.
As I covered before in A Tight Spot, there are some medical conditions that can cause painful penetration. So, what are they?
While it is most common that your hymen (a thin piece of tissue that partially blocks the vaginal opening) is naturally worn away through athletics, masturbation, using tampons, or even the increase of estrogen at the onset of puberty, in some cases the hymen stays partially intact which can lead to pain any time there is penetration. Some women have even had to have their hymen removed by a doctor. (Dr. Alfred Kinsey’s wife had this done, and went on to have all sorts of happy sex.)
Then there is vaginismus. I didn’t make that up. It’s a condition in which the vaginal muscles contract involuntarily and it’s not very common. The treatment is kind of involved, using a variety of physical and psychological techniques to get your muscles and your mind relaxed enough to enjoy sexual activity. You cannot diagnose yourself with this, and the do-it-yourself route isn’t advisable.
Whatever the issue may be for you, it is well worth finding out so you can move forward with an enjoyable sex life.
– Nikol
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Questions? If you have a question for Nikol, you can reach her confidentially at lovesexetc@milwaukeemagazine.com.Your anonymity will be protected.
