I’m not going to lie to you. I’m in a funk. And not the fun kind of she’s-a-brick-house-kind of funk. Nope. I’m talking about the crummy kind of I-want-to-jump-back-in-bed-and-throw-the-covers-over-my-head funk.
Phooey.
From time to time, funks happen to the best of us. And each time it happens to me, two things go through my head:
What set it off?
How can I shake it off?
Before I get too heavy into the whats of it all, please don’t cry for me Argentina. Even though some days feel like a mad existence, truth is I have it better than most and I know it. I think that’s why I tend to get very frustrated with myself when I find myself in a funk; because there is no outright tragedy to justify it.
My funks tend to arise from a pile up of the little things. Yep. All those little things that mean nothing a week from now, let alone a year from now, somehow manage to twist their way into one, large, perplexing knot that runs me over. But this time, instead of relying on my body to take the stress, my body has said, “Nope. We’re closed. Figure out some other way.”
Say what now?
Now not only is that tumbleweed full of little stuff coming for me, I can’t rely on all my old coping mechanisms to get me through it?
Double phooey.
So what’s a girl with “issues” to do? Although I would like to drop kick the tumbleweed back to the desert, the recent sweltering Midwest heat reminds me the only thing we can truly count on is unpredictability. And trying to trust that statement, embrace that philosophy, is tough for someone who relies on order to maintain her status quo.
So letting go of some stuff is the answer? Tell me I won’t be seen as a quitter, and I may be more inclined to release the white-knuckle grip from my steering wheel.
My theory is this gotta-have-it-all, gotta-be-it-all, attitude was created by know-it-alls. And I can’t stand know-it-alls. They’re not messy enough to be real; and I like real. I like hearing stories that involve egg on the face because then I know you trust me. Hearing how great you are is nice, but throw in a little humility. Yeah, yeah, you met the Queen. Great. But did you curtsy when you said hello, or did you give her a high five? You tell me…what’s more interesting.
And maybe that’s what I need to do to get out of my funk. No, not meet the Queen, but get a little messy. And one way to get messy is to get out of my comfort zone and let go of some stuff. I know, I know, easier said than done for anyone, let alone a control freak. But something has to give. I can tell I’m getting grumpy; and after years of wisdom, I know grumpy is like a skunk…everyone runs away from it.
That said, one of the things stuck in my issues tumbleweed is an upcoming meeting with my College Sunday Boyfriend. It’s an overdue meeting to remedy some issues that came about after some conflict. And if you’ve been reading my blog, you know I hate conflict. I wish we didn’t have to be in this situation, but here we are. Basically we have a difference of opinion. And hey, that’s okay. We are all entitled to our opinions. But I know the best remedy is to end a part of our relationship that we’ve put a lot of work into for the last six years. And ending something, even though it’s for the best moving forward, isn’t easy. Because it’s not just the end of this part of our relationship, it’s the end of future expectations.
And that’s the part of endings I dislike the most…having to let go of future plans. Again, don’t cry for me Argentina. My College Sunday Boyfriend and I have been friends for a long time. And from my point of view, that will continue. We’ve been through a lot and respect each other. I do understand his point of view, but I also understand continuing a partnership under these conditions will ruin the friendship. So it’s time to let go.
Here’s hoping all of you recognize the times you need to get messy in order to get to a better place…and have better stories to share.
As always, stay comfy and be good to yourself and your Sunday Boyfriends.
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