10 Ways For Gov. Scott Walker to Pay Off His Campaign Debt

The governor’s short-lived presidential campaign ended about $1 million in the red. He’s since made slow progress in squaring up, but we have a few suggestions to help him back into the black.

1. Sell peanuts on the state Capitol’s observation deck.

2. Organize a “Date the Guv” bachelor auction. (Note: Check with Tonette first.)

3. Take state-issued black SUV out as an Uber. If recognized, claim to be a distant uncle from “Full House.”

Photo by iStock.
Photo by iStock.

4. Convert the grounds of the governor’s mansion into a ginseng farm.

5. Offer a web seminar on how to lose a presidential race on just $90,000 a day.

6. Confer with U.S. Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Janesville) on how to retire debt by cutting taxes.

7. Offer overnight stays in the “Dreyfus Bedroom.”

8. Put campaign paraphernalia on eBay, including the Reagan-embroidered handkerchief Walker cried into shortly before bowing out.

9. Invest in Wisconsin’s leading bicycle manufacturer (anonymously, of course).

10. Lease bald spot to Clear Channel as advertising space.

‘Political Capital’ appears in the May 2016 issue of Milwaukee Magazine.

Find the May issue on newsstands beginning May 2, or buy a copy at milwaukeemag.com/shop.

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Matt has written for Milwaukee Magazine since 2006, when he was a lowly intern. Since then, he’s held the posts of assistant news editor and, most recently, senior editor. He’s lived in South Carolina, Tennessee, Connecticut, Iowa, and Indiana but mostly in Wisconsin. He wants to do more fishing but has a hard time finding worms. For the magazine, Matt has written about city government, schools, religion, coffee roasters and Congress.