The Weekly Ups and Downs: Quarterbacks and Beer Hacks

Aaron Rodgers was on Jeopardy, Khalid dropped out of Summerfest, and more in the best and worst of this week in Milwaukee.

The Florentine Returns

Opera’s back, my dudes. Hell yeah! Get some! Grind by day, opera by night. Today, Friday April 9, at the Marcus Center the Florentine Opera is rolling up, ready to rumble, 100% opera thug mode activated, for their first live performance in over a year. It sold out fast, with the concert-going masses desperate for a return to the stage. The concert’s called La Vie en Rose, after one-time Batgirl actress Ruby Rose. Kidding, that was just a silly joke – it’s actually after the Edith Piaf song. So anyway – two thumbs up for opera.

Aaron Rodgers Hosts Jeopardy

Did we win the Super Bowl? We did not. Did we at least go to the Super Bowl? Nope, didn’t make it. But hey hey, at least our quarterback is guest hosting a game show for 10 days. Ah, when you put it that way, it kinda takes the air out of this particular balloon. Damn … well, we still thought it was cool to see Aaron Rodgers guest hosting Jeopardy this week. By all accounts, he’s a huge fan of the show and it showed. He was on top his hosting game. He even name-dropped Turd Ferguson. That’s A+ quality hosting.

Pizza Bracket

Ya’ll like pizza? Not sure why I said ya’ll there. I guess I was trying to be folksy. Kinda condescending. I apologize. But anyway, we launched our pizza bracket this week. We already have some early leads breaking out here, but I’m not allowed to tell you because voting for week one isn’t finished yet. My personal favorite pie of this past year has been “Big Jimmy’s Expired Frozen Pepperoni Pizza Eaten Cold in Your Underwear While Quietly Weeping,” but they didn’t get a nomination, so I guess you’ll just have to vote for one of these other guys.

Tailgating is Back

Last week, I complained about how the Brewers weren’t allowing tailgating. Turns out my voice is unbelievably powerful and my influence knows no bounds, because they then announced on Wednesday that tailgating is back on starting April 12th. That’s exciting news, but more exciting is figuring out what I’m going to do with my newfound, godlike power to shape world events.

Cancelled Summerfest Headliners

Our banner music festival already lost Halsey in January, and now on Wednesday, we learned that another headliner is dropping out – Khalid. He couldn’t make the new September date. With Summerfest being cancelled for the first time ever last year, it stings to see headliners dropping out now that it’s cautiously making its return, but worry not, my friends – the Dave Matthews Band is still booked.    

Beer Hacks

Yesterday I went to the liquor store, as I do every day, and said, “Hello. There is a gaping emptiness to this existence. The death of God and slow, humiliating degradation of all meaningful systems of belief and paths toward purpose have left me bereft and hopeless. We are puppets, meat and bones cursed by consciousness. I see no way out save oblivion. Give me beer.” But this time, strangely enough, the woman behind the counter said, “Sorry, we’re out. Hackers, man.” It turns out that Molson Coors was just hit with a serious cyberattack and is still recovering. There’s compromised data, insurance issues, major work to be done, but long story short the beer is late. Some stores are reporting Molson Coors products out of stock. Hackers compromising national security is one thing, but this is a step too far.

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Archer is the managing editor at Milwaukee Magazine. Some say he is a great warrior and prophet, a man of boundless sight in a world gone blind, a denizen of truth and goodness, a beacon of hope shining bright in this dark world. Others say he smells like cheese.