Skateland Officially Welcomes all Teenagers
Waukesha’s Skateland was hit with reports of “alleged discriminatory practices” last week, saying that the skating destination was denying teens who live in Milwaukee entry. This week, in response to the complaints, Skateland publicly updated its policy to allow all those teenagers inside.
Personally, I’m anti-teenager. Being in my mid-20s, I can’t stand them because they remind of a time when I could stay up past 2 a.m. without feeling like death, never got lower back pain and didn’t start my morning routine by checking if I’m losing my hair. In fact, I’m now launching a nonprofit: “Concerned Citizens for the Banning of Teenagers From Going Places Where I Have to See Them Because Their Youth and Carefree Manner Make Me Feel Bad.” So far, we only have two members – me and my neighbor Harold who sits out on his porch all day screaming at passing cars to slow down – but we’re growing every day.
Frederick Law Olmsted’s Bicentennial
April marks 200 years since the birth of Frederick Law Olmsted. Have you ever heard of him? No? Well you’re in luck. It just so happens that a talented, handsome, charismatic, beloved reporter at Milwaukee Magazine, wrote an in-depth feature about Olmsted for the April issue. Olmsted was the founding father of American public parks – he practically invented the concept. He’s best known for designing Central Park and the U.S. Capitol grounds, but at the end of his career, he came to Milwaukee and designed Lake, Washington and Riverside parks. His impact on the city was immense and shaped the way it looks today. You should definitely read that feature, conveniently linked here so that said talented, handsome charismatic, beloved reporter can massage his perfectly–healthy ego.
Broken Bat Gets Rid of Tipping
Broken Bat Brewing on Pittsburgh Avenue is no longer requiring customers to tip. Instead, it’s paying its employees a normal, non-waiter-type-salary, and raising prices on its beers by 18% to make up the cost. This means that there’s finally one restaurant in Milwaukee where I won’t have to stop my server to give my usual 10-part presentation: “Why I’m Not Going to Tip You: An Anarcho-Theocrat’s Analysis of Capitalism.” While, I do think it’s a very good presentation, I am getting tired of finding strange things floating in my soup.
Milwaukee Film Festival Announced its Lineup
Milwaukee Film announced the full lineup of 284 films showing at the 2022 Festival, which is back in person after two years virtual. The lineup includes such exciting films as, Wash Hair, Don’t Forget Underpants, Stop Smiling At People The Way You Do – They Think It’s Creepy and For God’s Sake, Put on Deodorant. Oh wait, no, that’s my to-do list for going to the festival. I don’t know where the lineup is. But I’ve been told it’s cool.
A New Food “Experience”
This week, we learned that Indulge Milwaukee is coming to American Family Field Aug. 20-21. The event, hosted by the Wisconsin Restaurant Association Education Foundation is going to include gourmet tastings from roughly 30 Milwaukee restaurants, including Bacchus, Lake Park Bistro, Carnevor, Maxie’s and Onesto. Plus, there will be booze, cheese and charcuterie galore sourced from all over Wisconsin. This sounds like an awesome event, but there is one problem …
Experience an unforgettable evening celebrating great design!
Paying $150-$350 for a Day of Food, Booze and Cheese
Dear Lord. Maybe it’s time to rethink this journalism thing and get into investment banking.
A Tie in Wauwatosa
Election day brought a lot of big news in Wisconsin. Milwaukee got a new mayor. A crucial judicial race swung right-wing. West Allis shot down a $150 million new school proposal. But that’s nothing compared to the district five alderperson race in Wauwatosa, where incumbent Rob Gustafson received 702 votes and newcomer Sean Lowe received … 702 votes. A perfect tie. It turns out that there is one provisional ballot still outstanding. It was issued to a voter who couldn’t provide a poll worker with the required documents at the time of the election, so that voter now has until Friday to give the city clerk the proper information. Then this one person can literally decide the election. I know it’s illegal, but I wonder if this unnamed voter has thought about soliciting a few, you know, hush-hush incentives to sway the vote. What bribe do you think is fitting for a Wauwatosa alderperson seat? Maybe a gently used 2001 Toyota Tacoma?
