The Curds of the Future
This week was a Lakefront Palooza here at Milwaukee Mag, with two stories published hours apart about our beloved local brewery. First, somewhat overshadowed by the other news, is the announcement that Lakefront’s doing brewery tours again. That’s cool, but we’re more interested in the other story, which is how we discovered that Lakefront’s been doing specialty cheese curds for months now and we had no idea. They introduce a wacky new flavor of curd, with accompanying dipping sauce, every week. Nutella, sour patch kids, taco – it’s craziness, and we need more! The people demand ice cream curds, calamari curds, haggis curds. Curds that taste like freedom. Curds that taste like what it feels like to be Chris Hemsworth. Curds that taste like never being made aware of the inevitability of your own death and hence living a magical, animal-like existence in ignorant bliss. Let’s push some flavor barriers, people!
Bucks Go Full Capacity
Just a few weeks ago, we wrote about Fiserv Forum returning to 50% capacity, and now that restrictions are dropping in Milwaukee on June 1, our hometown basketballers are going the full 100. That’s it. We really just needed one more Up on this list, because it’s a pretty Down-heavy week here in Cream City. Now keep scrolling to enjoy some negativity.
This summer, the Milwaukee sky’s going to be emptier than the promises made in the 1938 Anglo-German Declaration. The Parks department has cancelled the July 3 fireworks. Not directly because of COVID, but because the department can’t pull it together. They cited an employee shortage, along with the effort of getting other Parks’ operations up to their normal levels. This summer has been shaping up to be celebratory, hopefully, and it’s sad to see this communal tradition fall by the wayside again. I still remember years ago ago when my Great Uncle Jerry put his arm around me as the bright and beautiful fireworks exploded above us and said, “Look to the sky, little dingus. There are wonders greater than could be dreamt of here below.” And then he slipped me three bucks to buy a bus ticket home and ran off before the feds could find him. Ah, when times were good.
The Fourth Best Weekend Getaway in the Midwest
Has a more lackluster title ever been awarded? This week, U.S. News and World Report released a ranking of top weekend getaways in the Midwest, and Milwaukee slotted in at number four. Kinda feels like being named the third best-looking brown-haired male under six feet tall in your family. Not something to brag about.
Who claimed the top three spots? Chicago got number one. How can we express our shock? And then, Ann Arbor, Michigan and Branson, Missouri. We beat out such hip destinations as Cleveland and Detroit.
This just confirms my suspicion that U.S. News rankings are hooey. Although they did rank my alma matter – The Science School of Learning and Knowledge – number one on their list of “Illegitimate Universities Engaged in Malicious Fraud.” I may not know what those words mean, but I’m still proud.
Selfie WRLD MKE
“Through me you pass into the city of woe. Through me you pass into eternal pain. Through me among the people lost for aye. Justice the founder of my fabric moved. To rear me was the task of power divine, supremest wisdom, and primeval love. Before me things create were none, save things eternal, and eternal I shall endure. All hope abandon, ye who enter here.”
Ok, deep breath, let’s just get through this one – There’s a 20+ location franchise called Selfie WRLD that’s opening a new place in Brookfield and it’s going to be a building with a bunch of booths with lights and photogenic backgrounds and you pay them money and then you go there and you take a picture of yourself with your legs spread in front of a basketball hoop with ‘shoot your shot’ in neon lights behind the backboard and then you put it on the internet for people to like it and comment on it and writing about this is like drinking bleach I’m just gonna do another quote.
“You live in a deranged age – more deranged than usual, because despite great scientific and technological advances, man has not the faintest idea of who he is or what he is doing.”
– Walker Percy