Dear Nikol,
I am an attractive young man with genital herpes. I love going out, getting drunk and coming back home with a pretty lady. But I am afraid that informing her of my condition might be unfair if she’s wasted. How do I navigate this moral quandary, while maximizing my chances that she will be okay with it?
Much love,
– Itchy But Cute
Dear IBC,
I will never be able to drink root beer without thinking of this question.
You’re totally right. Telling a drunk girl that you’ve brought home to have sex with that you have herpes is totally unfair. Not telling her is considered nonconsensual sex, by the way, so it’s a fairly fine line between not telling her and telling her after too many vodka red bulls.
Beyond legal reasons to not put someone in danger of contracting herpes, there are the moral reasons. Consider, for a moment, the person who once gave you herpes. While you didn’t mention that part, I am assuming that he or she never told you that they were infected. If they had, and if you’d known you would get it, would you have still had sex with them?
Just so everyone is clear on this, herpes isn’t an STD that can be thwarted by condom use. It is passed by skin-to-skin contact, and an outbreak may be present even when no symptoms are. This means that any time you get down to your skivvies with someone, IBC, and start pressing your bodies together, you’re putting them at risk.
So, what does this mean for your Tom Catting ways? Much as a young, cute chick who gets pregnant and decides to have a child is then morally responsible for chilling out on the partying, your days of poking your way through college parties is over. Unless you’re a real dickweed, because, then, by all means, keep potentially infecting hot girls who may eventually give birth to blind babies and have a bit of a harder time finding a lifelong partner because they have to tell them that some guy from a party gave them herpes.
Sorry, pal, but each one of us, in making the choice to have sex, puts ourselves at risk for all sorts of stuff that might happen. Sex and sexual freedom are a fantastic thing, and your desire to have it are healthy. But the reality is, until people start getting tested regularly and making follow up choices to be responsible, we’ll always be selfishly putting people at risk.
I know, you’re cute and attractive. The world mourns the loss of your penis in the dating pool, trust me. But that’s the way it is. I’m not just telling you to not have sex with drunk girls. I’m saying that until you find a lifelong partner who is educated about what living with herpes means, you need to stop having sex.
– Nikol
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Questions? If you have a question for Nikol, you can reach her confidentially at lovesexetc@milwaukeemagazine.com or by clicking here. Your anonymity will be protected.
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