Dear Nikol,
My new boyfriend is a little bit fat for my taste. I try to get him to eat healthy food with me, but he laughs it off. I try to get him to go on walks, but he drives everywhere. He’s not massive, but it’s a turn off to see his big fat white belly. How do I bring it up?
– Shape Up or Ship Out
Dear Shape Up,
I’d like to point out that you did go into the relationship already knowing that he had a bit extra. This isn’t something like, he wears this stupid hat that I hate and I want him to stop wearing it.
Body mass (being a lil fat) is kind of a sensitive issue for a lot of people, and it is difficult to bring it up for that reason. While American society tells us that we should all be thin, or at least in great shape, we have a lot of orders for belt extenders on airplanes and we’re reaching new levels of fatty every year.
I can’t drive down the street without seeing one of those lap band billboards with some happy looking chick standing on a scale and giving me the thumbs up. We make goals and resolutions, we buy pills, we watch television shows about people losing weight. But when it comes to actual healthy weight loss, people have little understanding of how much work that can actually take. If you don’t agree, put on 250 lbs of weight and try to walk up two flights of stairs.
However, it is perfectly natural that you wouldn’t be attracted to that gleaming white belly. Biologically, we seek people who we think will remain healthy and provide good genes for offspring. (And sense of humor. Everyone wants a sense of humor.) If it’s really something that is bothering you, the best way to deal with it is to do it directly and to do it right now, while you’re still in the new love stage.
Have a talk with him about his health. Listen to what he has to say about his own body image. Ask him if this is something he is willing to work on. If it’s not, or if it turns out to be a gland problem or something health related, ask yourself if you can deal with that little bit of extra to hold onto at night.
– Niko
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