Dear Nikol,
My brother came out of the closet to everyone on Christmas Eve. Our family is full of open-minded people, myself included. Everyone – and I mean everyone – hugged him and said, “Thanks for telling us.”
The only thing is, I know he’s not gay. What he is instead is always getting into trouble and causing everyone to stop their lives while he f’s up again and again. I think he’s trying to say he’s gay just to get everyone to feel like if they are upset with him for doing stuff – like when he wrecked a car and my parents went broke paying court and medical costs or when he stole money when my grandpa was dying and he was supposed to take care of him – that if they stay mad they are being homophobic.
I’ve spent enough time with the cretin to know how his little brain works and I grew up watching him always watching porn and getting girls drunk so he could have sex with them. He’s not gay, I know it. What should I do?
– Sick and Tired
Dear Sick and Tired,
What do you mean, what should you do? Nothing. It’s not your place. Tis the season to have to put up with our families and all of their bullshit. I totally understand why it bothers you, and I’m sure this will continue to bother you for as long as it goes on, but suck it up and let it go. If you think about your options, this is the only one that makes sense.
For example, you could sit your family down and tell them what you seem to know is true. But think about that and ask yourself what good that would do. Your parents may have gone broke dealing with your brother’s idiotic behavior, and your family may not be very pleased with his tendency to do messed up things, but your parents and family haven’t cut your brother off completely. They paid all of those bills because your brother is their son, and even when our kids do the wrong thing, we still love them. If you tell them what you think, it won’t change how they feel about him. It’ll only create more drama in an already drama-filled life.
Or, you could tell your brother that you’re on to his little ploy. If he’s really as much of a jerk as you have said, what good would that do? Do you think your confrontation will make him suddenly become a better person, go to your family, and confess? Isn’t it more likely that he’ll take on the victim role and accuse you of not being supportive of his sexuality? Isn’t it also likely that he’d use your confrontation to garner sympathy from the family and paint you as the bad guy?
So, the best thing for you to do is exactly what I tell my sons to do when they are pissing each other off on a daily basis. Ignore it. Laugh it off, even. Shake your head, consider that as an adult the crap your brother does has little to do with your life, and let it go. And who knows? Maybe he is gay. The reality is, it doesn’t really matter.
– Nikol
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