Dear Nikol,
So, I’m 21, and I just got out of a relationship. She was totally into me, and I really liked her. She was cute, has an awesome personality, was not afraid to play around in bed, and she was the only other person in my social circle who knows who Carl Sagan is.
Anyway. I broke up with her. It sounds like a douchey thing to do, and it totally was. I’ve felt terrible about it ever since, but I don’t regret it. I didn’t love her, see. I wanted to – desperately – but the feeling just wasn’t there, and I’ve been through enough obsessive dead-end relationships to nip that potential therapy session right in the bud.
The issue I’m having is my sexual orientation. I’ve known for a couple years that I was bisexual at the very least, but my opinion was that guys were playtime and girls were serious business. Thing is, this girl is the closest thing to serious business I’ve ever come, and she totally didn’t do it for me. Now I’m having a hard time imagining a girl who ever could do it for me. I have no gay friends, I am not attracted to bodies as much as I am personalities, and my concept of a “type” is about as nebulous as… well, as I am on my own sexuality. Where the hell do I even start?
Thanks a bunch,
-Maybe Gay, Definitely Confused
Dear MGDF,
Carl Sagan? Isn’t he that Hispanic guitar player guy? I love that song he did with Rob Thomas. Breaking up with someone you don’t love isn’t douchey. She deserves to be full-on loved and it’s better to break it off now if you know the feeling isn’t going to happen.
As for your own sexuality and where to start, you want to make a gay omelet, you need to break a few gay eggs. Go on some dates, man. With men. Seems simple enough. You may not find the “one” from going on the dates, but you will at least get a better feel for how you react emotionally.
Since what you are attempting to figure out isn’t really your sexuality (you like having sex with men and women) but rather your ability to have a relationship with a man, I suggest you hold off on sex on these dates. You’ve always thought of men as “play-time,” so if you are going to sort this out, you should remove the play aspect and have a nice, romantic date.
Even then, you seem complicated enough in your interests that you may find that you’re super duper ultra mega bi-sexual. Just because your last girlfriend had all sorts of wonderful qualities and you still weren’t nuts over her, you may find yourself feeling that way about another girl. You’ll likely have many loves over the years, and good for you if you get to have love with both sexes.
Now get your whisk ready, It’s time to make those omelets.
– Nikol
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