Dear Nikol,
I found a great guy, who has a kid. The guy is nice. And his 8-year-old is a blast. The kid took to me almost immediately and comes running over to me as soon as I come over. The problem is that I’m getting the hairy eyeball from the guy. What the hell? Does he think that I’m going to molest his kid or something? I’m the big doofus fun uncle, the same way that I am with my nephews.
It is his kid, so I know that I have to do what he’s comfortable with, but the looks I’m getting are making me feel uncomfortable.
Dear Wannabe Family Man,
I think that all single parents are at least a little bit afraid that those we date might molest our kids, or at least we are a bit more hesitant. In my own experience, while I am always pleased if my children seem to like someone I am dating, I still have a bit of worry tucked away inside of me, making me always look for danger.
Because I am honest to a fault, in the cases where I have gotten to the level of intimacy in which it is time to introduce the kids to the boyfriend, I usually mention my wariness to my date. I point out that I may never trust him entirely with my kids and that he shouldn’t take it personally.
Since your boyfriend has not yet discussed his feelings with you, it would not be inappropriate for you to talk it over with him. You may not want to start out by talking about how attractive his son is, but at least get it all out on the table. Heck, it could be something more innocent than suspicion of molestation. It is just as scary to consider our children getting close to someone who could leave their lives if the relationship dissolves. In all cases, talking these things through is the best solution.
Nikol
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Questions?
If you have a question for Nikol, you can reach her confidentially at nikolknows@milwaukeemagazine.com. Your anonymity will be protected.
