Mr. Rogers isn’t the only one who can go to the Land of Make-Believe. It’s one of my favorite vacation destinations, mainly because imaginary gas is just $1.09 a gallon.
So with a full tank of premium unleaded, I hopped in my DeLorean DMC-12 (flux-capacitor optional) and drove over to Miller Park, where Barry Bonds debuted in left field for the Brewers.
Wearing Bernie Brewer’s hat (it was the only one that fit), Bonds went 1-for-1 with a grand slam, three intentional walks, one error and two snide comments. An overflow media contingent, fresh off squeezing every drop of blood from the Brett Favre story, reported Bonds’ exploits to the world.
And Hank Aaron’s statue shed a tear.
Why do I bring this up? Because Ryan Braun’s rib injury sparked an intriguing conversation last week over at BrewCrewBall, the excellent Brewers blog headlined by Jeff Sackmann.
If Braun’s rib problem – classified as an intercostal strain for you med school junkies – kept him out for an extended period of time (or, God forbid, the entire season), how could the Brewers replace him?
Well, since Braun’s now healthy enough to hit game-tying home runs, the question seems moot. Or is it? He gave us more reason to worry on Monday night. Whatever the case, let’s not let it stand in the way of a good sports argument.
Sackmann threw out a bunch of replacement names that most casual baseball fans wouldn’t recognize, and none of them could come close to the MVP-caliber season Braun’s enjoying. But he saved the most intriguing option, and by far the most controversial one, for last. He called it the “nuclear option.”
Barry Bonds, baseball’s most famous, and infamous, free agent.
Sackmann seemed in favor of the move, and the man knows baseball like Einstein knew gravity. If he thinks there’s merit to the idea, then it’s surely worth examining.
So could it happen? Could the final franchise of Hank Aaron also hold the same special status for Bonds?
Surely Bonds can still hit, and all that offense would be tempting, especially with Bonds saying he’d play for the minimum salary. But defensively, he’s a Tin Man with bad knees. And there’s that little perjury trial of his. And the steroids cloud. And the reputation as an aloof teammate who demands his own corner of the clubhouse.
Simply put, he’s just too dangerous. For the few ways he could help your team, there are just too many more ways he could hurt it. The Brewers would never invite the Barnum & Barry circus to town. They’d sooner sign Dave Barry.
But let’s take the decision away from the Brewers and turn it over to the fans. Moreover, just for the sake of argument, let’s say signing Barry Bonds would guarantee Milwaukee a playoff appearance.
As a Brewers fan, would you do it?
What if Bonds could guarantee a World Series title? I know, I know … Barry’s never won one. But remember, we’re still in the Land of Make Believe.
So would you do it then?
See, here’s what you have to ask yourself. Would you want one your most cherished baseball memories tarnished by the knowledge that Bonds was a part of it? Would you want such a historic moment tied inextricably to a man that history may mark as the sport’s biggest cheater?
My answer remains a steadfast no. But I’ve only lived here for 20 months. I haven’t waited since 1982 for playoff tickets.
So what’s your answer?
In other news…
CC Stay Stay?
Be honest. Against your better judgment, there’s a small part of you hoping that somehow, someway, CC Sabathia will sign a long-term deal with the Brewers.
After all, he’s made no secret of how much he’s enjoyed life with his new teammates. And his performance has been nothing short of magical, to the point that some are wondering if his half-year here is worthy of another Cy Young.
So maybe he just needs something to push his love for Milwaukee over the edge. Like a key to the back door at Usinger’s or a lifetime supply of cream puffs. That’s gotta be worth a few extra million, right?
Then you see predictions that he’ll be offered $150 million contracts in the offseason. And that Steinbrenner and the soon-to-be-playoff-less Yankees will, again, spare no expense in their quest for pitching.
And you’re reminded, again, to enjoy CC while he’s here. Because there aren’t enough cream puffs in the world to keep him from leaving.
End of the Mo Show
Nice to see that Mo Williams, in trade limbo throughout the offseason, was gracious after his departure to Cleveland last week.
Not that he’ll be so gracious on Nov. 29. That’s his first trip back to the Bradley Center. Pencil him in for 40 points. And seven turnovers.
Here’s the bottom line on that trade. The Bucks gave up more talent than they acquired, and became a better team in the process. Luke Ridenour fits their makeup far better than Williams, and that should translate into far more victories.
Just one question though. What happens when Mo refuses to pass to LeBron?
Olympic minute
So who’s coaching the Chinese gymnastic team? Miguel Tejada? I’ve got older things in my fridge.
Speaking of gymnastics, Chellsie Memmel, meet Kerri Strug. They should start a club.
And just think. All this could be coming to a city near you.
Aaron’s great adventure
Deal me out of the group that’s overreacting to Aaron Rodgers struggles in Saturday’s preseason foray to San Francisco. Or comparing it to Brett Favre’s first flight with the Jets. (And nice to see Brett’s finally certain that he made the right decision. Until tomorrow, anyway.). Call me when the games count and receivers aren’t treating footballs like hand grenades.
Until then, I’d prefer watching this over preseason games any day of the week.
And finally…
My friends over at SportsRadio 1250 host their second annual charity golf outing for Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin on Friday at the Windwood of Watertown Golf Course.
It’s your chance to meet and play a round with the likes of UWM basketball coach Rob Jeter, former Packers George Koonce and Bob Long, Milwaukee Admirals coach Lane Lambert, and former Brewers pitchers Jerry Augustine, Ken Sanders and Paul Wagner. Plenty of media folks will be there, too, including Tom Pipines, Brandon Cruz, Van McNeil, and most of the 1250 announcers.
They’ve even asked me to play in it, so consider me the comic relief. My golf swing is the punch line. It’s carefully patterned after Charles Barkley’s. Hope to see you out there.
Tune in every Tuesday morning during the 6 o’clock hour when I join Doug Russell and Mike Wickett on SportsRadio 1250 AM for Tuesday’s with Howie. I’ll also chat with Mitch Teich this week on WUWM’s Lake Effect. And don’t forget to check out our Bar Time column.
