Dear Nikol,
I have the sweetest 6-year-old niece, and my boyfriend and I often volunteer to babysit her when my sister is busy. One day she approached me and said my boyfriend threatened to hit her if she continued to be loud. I know he wouldn’t have said such a thing, and he swears he never made that comment to my niece. We’ve settled things with my sister and her husband, and decided that it was a simple misunderstanding, but now here’s where the problem comes up. My boyfriend will no longer babysit or play with my niece alone because he doesn’t want to take any more chances with her accusing him of something he never did. He’s afraid that next he’ll be accused of touching her, etc. I need help on how to get him to understand that little kids have wild imaginations and we all know he would never do such a thing. I’m afraid we’re going in opposite directions and I don’t want this to ruin our relationship. What do I do?
Dude,
Time to play “Overreaction-opoly.”
So you’re telling me that a massive deal was made over an implied statement your boyfriend made to a child, he is afraid to spend time alone with the child for fear of a more tragic repeat, and you are reconsidering his role as your boyfriend because of his caution?
I think you win this round of overreaction. He is merely erring on the side of caution. Perhaps he is taking it too far with his fear of being accused of molestation, but he is not refusing to see the girl at all. He just wants to watch his back. And really, there is no reason for him to need to be alone with your niece, anyway.
Before you freak yourself out over his potential as your boyfriend, consider his view-point and talk it over with him.
Nikol
—
Dear Nikol,
I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost a year, and there’s this one thing about her that I can no longer stand. She’s a crazy penny pincher, very cheap in any situation. And not to mention her fascination with the environment and “going green.” It’s really not all that bad, but in some ways, it’s ridiculous. For example, she’ll never bag her groceries unless it’s in her own totes she brings to the store. Whenever we’re out to eat she takes tons of extra napkins and condiment packages to use at home and always brings her own Tupperware for leftovers. Nothing is purchased unless it’s on the sale rack, including items at the grocery store. She can never order a full meal when we’re out to eat with friends because she’s worried about splitting the check evenly. We’re never allowed to drive anywhere when it’s less than two miles from her apartment. Finally, worst of all, I got criticized for lending my best friend some money because he was out a couple bucks and needed some help. It’s my choice what I do with my money, we’re not married. Please tell me I’m not overreacting and this is abnormal behavior. Like I said, I do believe in recycling and being environmentally conscious, but this is out of hand. Any advice would be great.
Dude,
Too far? Understatement. Does she also turn her clothes inside out for double wear? Sounds like this lady is riding the issues train. I don’t know how much the two of you have spoken about her upbringing, but very often that sort of penny pinching behavior occurs as the result of having very little as a child.
Some of the things she insists on sound rather useful. Walking, taking your own cups, taking containers to restaurants instead of toting Styrofoam – these are all very environmentally conscious things to do an we could all take a lesson.
But when it comes to being a cheap wad, this girl needs to learn to let go a little. Unless you were lending your friend her hard saved money, or this loan prevented you from paying your own bills, it is none of her damn business.
I’m sure there is a nicer way to tell her that, and good luck to you in finding it. You need to decide if such an ingrained way of living is something you will be able to cope with in the relationship. You can talk to her about your feelings on the matter, but you cannot really expect her to change it on your behalf.
As for the waiting to see what everyone else orders bit, I think it is time someone gifted her a calculator. Not too friggin hard to figure out your own tab.
Nikol
—
Questions?
If you have a question for Nikol, you can reach her confidentially at nikolknows@milwaukeemagazine.com. Your anonymity will be protected.
