Dear Nikol,
I am madly in love with my girlfriend. She is smart, makes me laugh, we’re sexually compatible and we couldn’t possibly have more fun together.
A few months ago I bought an engagement ring and held onto it. I wanted to wait for the perfect moment to ask her to marry me. As the months passed she began to put on weight rapidly.
My once size six, sexy girlfriend has let herself get up to a size 10 and she is still gaining. I have tried talking to her about her health, and she said that her new birth control medication is making her gain all this weight. I go to the gym and have invited her to come along, but she just says she’d rather catch up on her “shows.”
She doesn’t seem bothered by it at all. I know I am a terrible person for this, but I don’t want to be seen in public with her anymore and that engagement ring won’t even fit her pudgy fingers. How can I let her know that I am bothered by the extra padding and want her to get back into shape?
Shallow and Worried
Dear SAW,
Yup. You’re a terrible person. You have a wonderful girlfriend who is taking birth control and suffering the side effects and you don’t want to marry her because she is- Gasp!- a size ten. Jerk.
That was my “woman” reaction. A lot of you guys have no concept of how hard it is to deal with the million factors that make it harder for us to stay trim in a society where staying trim is looked at as such an accomplishment. I applaud your sexy girlfriend for being comfortable with herself, even if you are not.
I’ll stop being hard on you long enough to say that it does sound as though her weight gain is too rapid to be typical or healthy. Humans are biologically hardwired to look for healthy partners, and your reaction to such an unhealthy process is pretty normal. Plus, we all have certain values. You happen to value having an attractive mate to flaunt.
If your girl was good enough to marry at a size six, please know that she would be good enough to marry at any size. Determine if you are willing to stick things out. In sickness and health also means in any dress size. So man up, or let your girl move on to someone who enjoys a little cushion.
Questions?
If you have a question for Nikol, you can reach her confidentially at nikolknows@milwaukeemagazine.com. Your anonymity will be protected.
