Dear Nikol,
Long time reader, first time writer. I’m a dumpy gay male approaching middle-age, hunting the shallowest of prey: the urban gay male. Do you have any tips? It just seems that it’s so much easier for my straight friends to meet prospective partners. Most of the time it seems like it’s either online dating or smoky bars.
Dear Looking For Love,
You could become straight. As a dumpy, middle age male you’d have the pick of most of the straight women I know. We seem to gravitate toward them like soccer moms to mini vans. But I suppose you are probably not going to be going straight anytime soon, so we’ll discuss your real options.
Staight, gay, or anything in between, it really does seem that the best way to meet people these days is online. And to borrow from “Seinfeld” humor, the “They met online” is fast becoming the “not that there’s anything wrong with that” of our decade. Sure, there are all sorts of downfalls to starting online relationships, but you are more likely to get a feel for someone’s personality from a bio on OKCupid (an excellent site) than from seeing his pumping moves at a club.
The other resource that is overlooked these days is “through a friend.” Single people may groan as their coupled buddies tsk tsk and say, “I have another single friend! You two have that single thing in common, so you’d be perfect for each other,” but maybe you should put the feelers out there. Who knows? Maybe your friends actually do know people you’d like. After all, they like you. So give it a try. If it doesn’t work out it at least gives you a good reason to give your friend a lot of trouble the next time you see them.
-Nikol
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Dear Nikol,
How many dates should I wait before it’s okay to invite someone up to see my etchings?
Young at Heart and Dating
Dear YAHD,
I always take my etchings along with me as well as a resume, letters of reference, pictures of every pet I have ever owned, and a peanut I found that looks a lot like the baby Jesus. Of course, I don’t often get to the point in the evening when I get to invite them up as all of my dates seem to come down with a last minute case of meningitis. Weird.
Honestly, I don’t believe there is a standard number of dates that one can base the apartment invite on. If things are going well and you want the date to last a little bit longer, invite them on up and see what happens. If you are more of an anticipation seeker and you are digging your date, let them know that you really enjoyed spending time with them and set the second date right away.
-Nikol
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Questions?
If you have a question for Nikol, you can reach her confidentially at nikolknows@milwaukeemagazine.com. Your anonymity will be protected.
