Dear Nikol,
My boyfriend is a carnivore and I’m a vegetarian. I get in his face about it and he gets offended, probably because he knows he’s doing the wrong thing for the environment, his body and animals everywhere. I don’t let him eat meat when we’re together, and I will leave if he eats meat at dinner, but I know he still eats meat. Wanna know how I know? I can taste it, Nikol. I can taste it!!! In his semen. I can’t believe he would think I wouldn’t know, but I do know and it makes me feel like I just ate an animal.
I have shown him medical stuff about how what you eat changes the taste, but he likes reading your stuff already and we saw pictures of you wearing shirts about being vegan so maybe you could tell him that if he wants to stay together he’ll make this important change in his life
– Not Down With The Meat
Dear Not Down,
You’re a nutjob, girl. Trying to figure out where to even begin to address your situation is like trying to solve a rubix cube without using my hands. So, I guess I’ll just start from the top of your question.
Your boyfriend is an omnivore. I know I’m just arguing semantics, but I love semantics. The bigger issue I have with your use of “carnivore” is that sneery, judgmental way you use the word, following it up with a condemning of anyone who ever chews a chicken sandwich. You’re right that vegetarianism is better for the environment. It’s better for animals because they aren’t being eaten. The average person consumes more meat than their body needs. All of those things are true, but the way you snottily declare those things is just plain annoying.
How irritating is it for you when people who eat meat try to tell you that you should eat it as well? Does your boyfriend leave if you don’t eat meat? And you don’t let him eat meat? How about you think of it this way: He is respectful enough of your convictions that he doesn’t eat meat in your company. You made a personal choice about what you won’t eat, and if you’re so militant about that choice, find a nice vegetarian boy to not eat meat with.
Speaking of making a choice not to eat something, there’s a simple fix to your ultimate bitch. If you can’t stomach the thought of swallowing meat-flavored semen, don’t swallow it. While I’ve been known to feed a man some pineapple or to avoid garlic if my boyfriend has that special “I’m going down on you tonight” glint in his eye, and I agree that vegetarians taste better, you’re crossing the border into crazytown if you’re expecting him to change his diet completely just so he can pop one off in your mouth.
If he’s reading this right now, my advice is that he tell you to knock off your nonsense. If you hide it from him, my advice to you is that you knock off your nonsense. If you can’t bring yourself to stop trying to control his eating habits, find a new boyfriend. Perhaps you think this is harsh, but you’re being a real jerk to this guy right now. I understand that it is based on your convictions, which is fine for you. Just don’t expect the world to have the same convictions that you do.
– Nikol
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