Dear Nikol,
I am a 16-year-old lesbian and I am dating a girl who goes to college about an hour from where I live. Neither of us is out of the closet but while my parents don’t know we are dating they know her as my friend and truly like her. Now here is the problem: I help run my parents business and am busy a lot. In addition to school, I probably work 30 hours a week. We do see each other several times a week, but it doesn’t seem to be enough. She claims she is doing all of the work since I am not allowed to drive to see her or go many places with her because of my schedule. I feel like I have to choose the girl I love or the job I love. I don’t want to lose her or my job. Please help.
– Love or work?
Dear LOW,
This isn’t really so much an issue about what to do, because you really don’t have much of a choice in the matter. You’re 16 and if your parents tell you that you have to work, unless you want to start some crazy bullshit, you have to work. Plus, you’ve said you love the job. No sense messing with that equation.
The issue is, how do you deal with your girlfriend. This isn’t going to sound very cool, because you have feelings for her, but you asked my opinion so get ready. I don’t think you two should be dating each other. It’s all fine and good that your parents like her and you two are attracted to each other and all the makings of a fine relationship are present. But, sadly, sometimes we meet someone really great and a few factors get in the way.
In your case, you’re in high school. She’s in college. You’ve admitted to being even busier than the average high school student, and for the sake of her education I hope she’s busy, too. She’s right to be pissed that she always has to come to you, but that doesn’t mean you’re able to change it.
If either of you has a relationship with someone else right now, it should be with someone in closer proximity who you see on a regular basis without a hassle. Maybe in a few years the spark will still be there and you two will be in more of a position to be together. You may even be out of the closet by then. But, for now, I just don’t see it going anywhere. All I can predict happening is that the two of you have all sorts of drama that escalates until there’s a big huffy fight and feelings get hurt.
But if you do choose to stay together, you need to let her know that the current arrangement is just how things are.
– Nikol
———————————————–
Questions? If you have a question for Nikol, you can reach her confidentially at lovesexetc@milwaukeemagazine.com.Your anonymity will be protected.
