Dear Nikol,
A few months ago I lost my virginity to a male friend I’ve known since elementary school. We’re both in college now and we have sex whenever I’m in town for the weekend. I have no feelings toward him whatsoever to start a relationship, and I can say that’s a mutual decision. But when we’re not with each other, he has sex with other girls, and I’m afraid of contracting an STD or something worse happening. It just doesn’t feel right. We never made an agreement to stay exclusive with one another, but I think I would be more comfortable if he wasn’t so promiscuous.
-Confused
Dear Confused,
It sounds as if you are someone who puts thought into things before you do them, and when it comes to sex, that is an important factor. Your choice to continue a non-romantic sexual relationship may not work out for you. Sure, it is convenient to have a bed buddy who is down for getting down whenever you’re around, but with every convenience there is a flip side. It’s convenient to grab a McDonald’s value meal, but your gut will pay for it in one way or another.
I guess I am calling your situation the value meal of sex. The difference is that you don’t get to customize your order. If you are going to keep things commitment free you can’t stop your pal from shagging other girls. You can ask him to, for sure. Hell, you can ask your bank to stop assessing fees on overdrafts, but it isn’t very likely that either will comply.
So I guess you need to make a choice. If you decide to keep sleeping with your friend, you’ll want to be sure that you always use condoms, but even then you are at risk for contracting something. HPV can be transmitted by skin to skin contact. So can scabies, crabs, and herpes. Factor in the occasional broken rubber and you are taking a fairly big risk, especially if you think your friend is sexing a lot of other people. You’ll want to get yourself tested on a regular basis, but now that you are having sex you should be doing that anyway. Also, if you trust him to tell you the truth, ask him how many other people he’s sleeping with and how safe they are being. If you don’t trust him to tell you the truth, you shouldn’t be sleeping with him anyway.
If you decide you’d rather play it safe, stop sleeping with him. You are in college. Chances are very high that you’ll find someone else you want to have sex with in your life. Keep being smart about it and trust your own gut instincts. Oh, and don’t eat fast food. It’s terrible for you.
– Nikol
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Questions?
If you have a question for Nikol, you can reach her confidentially at nikolknows@milwaukeemagazine.com. Your anonymity will be protected.
