Dear Nikol,
Help! I met a great guy on vacation that I have fallen for, but he lives in another country. We had mind blowing sex, called and texted each other while we were not together, and we both had to end our vacation and return to our normal lives. The problem is, his normal life is on the other side of the world where the toilets flush in the opposite direction! He’s contacted me since telling me how great he thinks I am and wants to stay in contact – but how? I planned on a weekend fling and now my emotions are involved. How can something like this work?
– Love Sick
Dear Love Sick,
Steamy. You had a vacation fling. I’ve read about those. Good on you. Aren’t vacations great? They give us the chance to just let go of the crap we usually have to focus on and just be cool, mellow and wild.
And that’s why I’d place good money on this not working out. You and this guy met the vacation versions of yourselves, and those memories should be left as they are. Think of it the same as you’d think of the place you went on your vacation. The place may have been cool as hell, but living there would be a whole different scene.
The fact that he is a foreigner (ooooh, I bet he had an accent) only makes your situation more improbable. Sure, you two could get to know each other over the Internet and telephone, but getting to know a person online is a surface scratch of the totality of that person. You will get to know the person he sees himself as, and even if you feel like you are being 100 percent honest, you’ll be portraying the same.
Unless people are complete hermits, the total of a person is made up of so many aspects that in order to know them honestly you’d have to see them within all of those parts of their life. The person you are at work, with friends, with your family, when you are sick, when you are upset, when you are having a great time – that person cannot be adequately expressed over the phone and Internet. The ‘net is great for keeping people connected, but not the best for getting to know someone.
So, hard as it may be, I’d suggest you and the foreign love god promise to keep in touch, send each other sweet emails/cards/etc. from time to time, and you move forward. If you two absolutely cannot live without each other, maybe you’ll find a way to be on the same continent and things will naturally work out. If they don’t, you’ll always have Paris.
– Nikol
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