Dear Nikol,
My girlfriend really likes to go clubbing, and I hate it. But she goes with all her hoochie-ass friends wearing skimpy clothes and they get smashed and I feel like if I don’t go, she’s going to drunkenly have sex with someone. So, I go along. But how do I convince her to stop going clubbing? I hate it so much. If I have to hear her and her friends squeal and call something “their jam” one more time, I may run them all over with my truck.
– Sick of Synth
Dear SOS,
Couples aren’t always going to be into the same activities, and that’s got to be okay. In order for you to work well as a couple, you need to be two whole people with your own interests, lives, and friends. If that doesn’t exist you’ll just become needy sponges. And sponges get gross, as I constantly remind people who leave them sitting in the sink.
I’m probably supposed to say some stuff here about how you should trust your girlfriend when she’s out without you, and if you really feel like you can’t trust her, you shouldn’t be her boyfriend. But the reality is that when girls go clubbing and get drunk they are in a position to make bad choices. Your concerns are probably pretty valid, especially if your girlfriend has been known to pick guys up at clubs when she was single.
It’s also a frequency issue. If you’re a hot, barely clad woman going out with her gal pals every now and again, maybe you go out and drop it like it’s hot, have a fun night with the girls, and that’s that. If you’re doing that every weekend, you’re more likely to get drunk enough to sleep with a body spray-doused fist pumper.
Seriously, I view clubbing as a singles activity. And watching what happens on the dance floor, I’m pretty sure other people see it as a singles activity, too. But it sounds like your girlfriend enjoys it, so if you want her to continue to be your girlfriend, you are going to have to compromise.
I suggest that you talk to her and let her know that you aren’t the clubbing sort. Leave out the part about running everyone over. It comes off a tad bit negative. Let her know that on her clubbing nights you are going to spend time with your friends doing [insert whatever activity you like but she doesn’t, like painting Warhammer figs or something] and that as a compromise, you would like to designate every other weekend as a time to do things you both enjoy doing together.
If she’s against it totally, you’ll have to determine how many weekends of your relationship you’re willing to spend watching squealing women grind on dudes, or waiting at home for your girlfriend to stumble in drunk and shoeless.
– Nikol
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