Dear Nikol,
My mom and dad have been married 25 years. I’m their youngest kid, and a senior in high school. My dad is retiring in about a year. I recently overheard them fighting, and my mom threatened him with divorce. These sort of fights have been going on for quite some time. In this particular fight she mentioned that the only reason they weren’t divorced already was because I’m still living with them.
All this is making it hard for me to make it through my last year of high school. I have to listen to my dad complain about my mom and my mom talk bad about my dad. They’re putting me in the middle of this, and I’d rather just get my own place if I could. I don’t understand why they are going to stay together and make my life a living hell. But I also think it would suck for me to deal with them splitting up right now. They also refuse to go to counseling.
What do I do to keep myself together before leaving home for college?
Dear Teenage in Turmoil,
The best thing I ever realized about my parents was that their lives had very little to do with me. Unfortunately, I was in my mid-20s when I realized this and had spent tons of money on psychologists. Sad but true, kiddo, sometimes our parents act more like children than we like. It sounds like they are too mired down in their miserable marital martyrdom to consider how it affects you.
You need to take two courses of action with them. The first is to be direct. You need to sit down with them, either together or separately depending on how long they can keep their hackles down. Let them know that you really need to focus on your last year of high school and their petty bickering could very well be your ticket to a less than desirable choice of colleges. Hey, you could even threaten to stick around their house even longer should you do poorly in school this year. And make it known that if they’re only staying unhappily married on your account, you really don’t need them to do you any favors. They need to stop their childish behavior right this minute and start treating you like their child.
The second course of action is to find a way to cope better. This means finding a close friend you can vent to, or better yet, a counselor you can speak with as you muddle through your senior year.
Questions?
If you have a question for Nikol, you can reach her confidentially at nikolknows@milwaukeemagazine.com. Your anonymity will be protected.
