I have said this over and over: When choosing your Sunday Boyfriend, or anyone you want to be in your world, you need to be choosy.
Got that: Be choosy.
That said, there is an upcoming opportunity to make a choice that matters in your world; in our world. If you’re in a swing state, you know all too well this choice is coming. It’s been barreling through your world with messages for months; messages that sometimes stretch the limit of elastical-reality. But you know what? Just as snapping a waistband can leave a stinging mark on the skin, so too can false fact-checked claims.
If you’ve been brave and allowed yourself to be vulnerable, you know all about the sting of false claims. Yep…some can be real humdingers. Hey, I’m not saying you shouldn’t be vulnerable. I am pro-vulnerability. None of us can learn anything about ourselves and the capacity of others if we don’t allow ourselves to get naked every now and then. But sometimes, if we aren’t careful, if we aren’t choosy with whom we allow to see us naked, with who we give our power to, then we can be taken advantage of.
Got that: Be choosy.
Choosiness comes from research. From listening. From actively searching for truth. It comes from a conscious respect for history and applying it to all the good advice you’ve ever been given:
1. If he did it with you, you can better believe he has the capacity of doing it to you.
2. Does he show up in difficult times, or just in happy times?
3. Does he say what he means?
4. Is he true to you, or does he say something else behind closed doors?
5. Does he pave the way to make things easier for you, or does he put up road blocks to hinder your voice?
6. Does he believe in you, or does he think he knows better?
To be choosy, to be honest with making the best choice for you, you MUST answer these questions. And you MUST do your part to get these answers right. Yes, listen to your gut. Use it as a guide for seeking out the answers, but don’t be lazy. Don’t just hear “something” from “somewhere” and let that be the only word you use to make your choice. Actively seek information from multiple sources; sources you feel comfortable with and you disagree with. Find out answers, perspectives, from across the board. Look at track records. Look at actions. Look at what has happened as a result of those actions. And don’t forget history (she is, after all, the best teacher). If past situations are similar, look at what was done and the outcome. If those decisions fit with what you need in your world, or if they don’t, let that be a guide to make your choice.
During the course of this election, I purposely refrained from posting anything political on Facebook. In 2008, I was all about using the medium to actively inject my opinions to the world. So did many others. Friendships were pushed to the limit. I remember being so disappointed upon discovering who drank the Kool-Aid rather than practiced choosiness. Did any of you feel like that? Disappointed by the sheer number of people who made it clear they didn’t do their research? Hey, I’m all for debates. And I’m not saying folks needed to agree with me. By all means, have a different opinion. That is what makes this country great…the underlying notion that debate is encouraged so all voices are heard. Love it. But it’s the laziness that gets to me. If you’re going to step up to the plate and share your view, you sure as hell better have multiple sources to back up your opinion. I don’t understand why so many people don’t realize how much stronger they are when they do this. Just sputtering out “something” you heard from “somewhere” isn’t going to cut it. That just shows you know how to be a puppet.
Got it: Be Choosy.
So what do my Sunday Boyfriends think of this election? Well, those answers are as individual as they are. To be honest, I don’t know the outright answer for each of my Sunday Boyfriends. For those I don’t know, I have a pretty good idea, however. And yes, there is one whose choice disagrees with mine. Does this mean we write each other off and say, “screw it,” to our SB relationship? Ah, no. That would be the opposite point I’m trying to make here.
I’ve actually had many discussions with this particular SB about this election and the candidates. I know his choice comes from research from multiple sources. He allowed himself to be vulnerable and put his choice to the truth test. Yes, he acknowledges things aren’t perfect with his choice (I acknowledge that with my choice too, BTW.) But he’s standing by his choice because after all the research, that is what he feels comfortable standing for. And while my choice is the opposite, based on my own research and comfort levels, we both firmly acknowledge, and respect, our choices because they are based in active research.
To write someone off because they don’t agree with you isn’t the answer. This particular SB was really there for me during an extremely difficult time in my life and proved he cares. This proof, his actions, our history, isn’t written off because of a disagreement. I’m not going to take my ball and go home just because we have a difference of opinion. Our SB relationship works because we not only afford each other the opportunity to express ourselves, we also respect our opinions come from a methodical, thoughtful process. Neither of us are puppets…we just disagree.
So this year, with the deadline quickly approaching, if you haven’t already done your research and made your choice, there is still time. And if you have made your choice, I encourage you to get to your nitty-gritty and really put your choice to the research test if you haven’t already. At the end of that process, if your choice is still your choice…great! But if your choice doesn’t stand up to the research test, if you discover what you thought was true isn’t, then you need take control of your power to choose what you need in your world to be comfy. This is all you can do. This is all the process asks you to do: be choosy.
Here’s hoping we all allow ourselves the opportunity to acknowledge truth and avoid being puppets.
As always, stay comfy and be good to yourself and all your Sunday Boyfriends.
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