I suppose it is important for someone like me, a 41 year old community blogger/Principal/Promotions Assistant type, to review the year since I turned forty. If you know me, you know, I am focused on money. Mostly, acquiring wealth, so someone can help me manage it. Not so much wealth that it doesn’t matter how much I have, but just enough wealth so that I don’t have to shop at the Dollar General for unexpected birthday presents or the slavery inherent in those “Secret Santa” soirées. Why can’t I go to Broadway Paper? Oh, ah…yes, there’s no Broadway Paper in the hood.
I found my first love, teaching, not to be a real money maker. So I spent the last year, just trying things, things I only might love, to make money; to earn a living. Lots of them, I did (or thought of) right here in Old Milwaukee. Not on Old Milwaukee, as they have tightened up the rules on solicitation closer to downtown. Oh, I am not even gonna lie to the few faithful readers who stop to read my occasional but powerful blogs. I have contemplated serving as a “Lady of the Evening,” and a few other underground professions.Yet, I erred in thought only, not in deed. The entire year went by, and I never once indulged in any of those darker trades.
As a bonafide documentary junkie, I get a kick out of all of those end of the year reviews, summaries and top tens. I wondered if I were interesting enough to have my year reviewed. Rather than wait for someone to find me interesting enough, I thought I’d lead the effort.
Anyway, to start the year off right, in January 2011, I got on one. I rode a bull. Oh, before you go getting all jealous, it was an electronic bull at Red Rock Saloon on Water Street.Celebrating on a bull was a once in a lifetime event. Oddly enough, the same day, I attended a life celebration for a good friend. She was only 50 years old and I feel like I partied twice that day. Her “funeral/homegoing” was the best one ever. I am honored to have been invited and to have found my own image sharing the same space as hers in some of the pictures that graced the round tables throughout the venue. While the event was held in a traditional funeral home there was nothing traditional about it. There was Janis Joplin, wine and cheese, laughing, stories and jokes. People came and went and everyone loved her and celebrated her.
February I had the luxury of meeting two political candidates and talk to them for myself. A rarity for a “Kingdom Woman” or anyone to get face to face with someone you are merely expected to vote for and if you’re lucky shake hands, hug or just feel their presence. I was weary in February.
March, April and May were a host of blurry business meetings and nightmares about being murdered and pillaged because I didn’t use APA style in my graduate school assignments. It was best not to dwell too much on those things and move forward.
In June, I took a real Nigerian, to Gillies on 76th and Bluemound, for Vanilla Custard. He had chocolate and vanilla. I hear someone say “so what,” lots of Nigerian here. That is just it. I consider real Nigerians those who live in Nigeria, but choose only to visit here. Anyway, he wanted to visit the Mitchell Park Domes, but just to see the outside. We took that drive. I kept praying that nothing out of the ordinary happened to embarrass me for being a Milwaukeean. Nothing really happened, but this Nigerian PhD was amazed, as am I, that the window for tours at Milwaukee Brewing Company [seem] so short. Also in June, I quit my safe-ish University job – a leadership role, low middle management in a grant initiated program, in this economy, because I was recruited into another job, still in education, but this time as an educational leader. Today’s kids need me, I thought to myself. (As you’ll read further down, they really don’t.)
July 8th I turned 41. I realized, for the first time, I was really, truly over 40. I never planned for this. I was pushed out of the “thirties” club and thrust into the “over forty” multivitamin section at Outpost in Wauwatosa. I may not have cried like I did when I turned 40 but I really felt it this time and all the over forty baggage that has come with it.
August came with purpose, excitement and dreams of rolling out the red carpet for my new staff. I did a full out “Annie” song and dance because, folks “I’m going to like it here” was the song in my heart. I believed it earnestly. I was the enthusiastic Wonder Woman that could do anything, inspire anyone and would usher in the vision for the new year, cape and all. We were going to be super heroes of education and our Justice League was going to make a difference. I was excited for my daughter who started her school year and I was ready to start mine.
September brought the disillusionment that Daddy Warbucks wasn’t who I thought he was. The reality that the students were nothing like I remembered being in high school and who seemed to all need so much from me but I was only one person. I hyper focused and found myself consumed with wanting to do well and bring my dreams to a reality. I decided to do something I’d never done before and I cleared my calendar of anything non-school related. No carefree coffee get-togethers, no lunch dates dinner dates or dates of any kind really. I thought I was prepared to take on all that this new job and lifestyle entailed but September showed me I wasn’t. September was the shock of my life as an educator and professional.
As an idealist, the first days of graduate school came with the realization that my sense of efficacy was burdened by the amount of work to be done and how difficult it was to hear the students complain about the burden of their classes when I knew the struggle I was facing with managing my own as well as this new job that was getting more difficult and complicated by the day. October opened with a terrible cold and I took myself to the spa to beat the cold right out of me so I could be the healthy Wonder Woman I was striving for. This Wonder Woman decided that Reggie Brown from V-100 needed to visit and inspire our students. I was startled during Reggie’s visit by the collective student body’s answer to the question “how many of you have tried drugs or alcohol?” The vast majority of my students raised their hand publicly like it was no big thing.
November flew by faster even than October. We are in full swing at school, and I am firmly planted in the notion, that being Principal is akin to being President. Though I am new, I am held hostage by every negative thing that occurred before I took “office.” I am expected to end world hunger, in the school, establish world peace, in the school and make sure everyone passes every test they take, especially 10th graders!
December brought with it, a new car, a 2010 Chevrolet Impala. I like Chevy’s they are durable, heavy and fast, just like me. I spent the holiday’s with family out of state for a much needed break from the cold as much as my Milwaukee reality.
By the year’s end I came to several realizations:I still crave for people to give me a break. In many ways. But, I think you only get a break when you give yourself one first.
There was never a map – never a career track. I grew up in the Lauper-era…Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!
I feel stuck in Milwaukee. Too afraid to speak my mind anymore. Too afraid to keep quiet. I’m Tired of watching my back and telling my nearly 17 year old daughter to keep her head on swivel, as she walks to and from the bus stop. Memories of a news story where a young lady was beaten by a group of girls, with pad locks, while she was on the bus stop. NO side is safe, as much as some would argue but that’s the unfortunate reality of living in any city.
I’ve moved on from Dick Clark to Anderson Cooper. I just found out that Dick Clark tried to beat out Soul Train with a not so soulful competitor show. I shouldn’t hold grudges but Anderson Cooper is much more handsome. Gay or straight.
2011 was the year I rode a bull, said goodbye to old friends and jobs, welcomed the excitement of new jobs and beginnings as well as mourned the burden of my own crumbling ideals. There were good things too. Overall, 2011 was just O.K. I feel like I’ve been on a Japanese rollercoaster and I’m thankful to be off.
For 2012 I hope for miracles and to experience more joy. I want to see more scenery than the inside my office or work commute can offer. I hope to save some dough this year and more importantly I want my naysayers to choke on their hate filled doubts. Happy New Year. No bull!
