We interrupt your anticipation of Opening Day, the Final Four and Mabel from Accounting cashing in her winning bracket for the following public service announcement.
The Milwaukee Bucks have found a way to recapture the front page.
If only it didn’t take somebody getting fired.
So Larry Harris – by all accounts, a good and decent man – is now a former general manager. But here’s guessing he leaves in better shape than most layoff victims. And hey, after this season, the guy could probably use the time off.
Thus, in the spirit of helping us all move forward, here’s a glance at who might be your next general manager of the Milwaukee Bucks.
Odds on Larry Harris’ replacement
Doug Collins, 3-to-1
The pre-race favorite, and not just because of that silky TV voice. The man obviously knows basketball, and he’d bring a certain celebrity cache to the job. But would he want to give up that cushy chair at TNT for the, er, stimulating task facing the next GM? And if so, would Kevin Harlan and millions of TNT viewers ever forgive Milwaukee?
Donnie Walsh, 6-to-1
It’s hard to believe the hype that the Indiana Pacers CEO is headed to that cesspool in New York known as the Knicks. The man may be from The Bronx, but he’s also 67 years old, and there isn’t enough Geritol in the world to steel you for life with Jim Dolan.
The latest word is that Walsh won’t stay with the Pacers. A bit of a surprise, because hey, what’s not to love about Indianapolis?
But now that he’s tired of working in Payton Manning’s shadow, and if the New York thing falls through, questions should be asked before handing the keys to Walsh. Sen. Herb Kohl has a reputation to protect, and the Pacers haven’t exactly been Team Character during Walsh’s tenure. Whose fault was that? Moreover, a man with Walsh’s experience doesn’t strike me as one who’s receptive to running every decision up a flagpole for approval. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
Larry Brown, 10-to-1
Hiring Brown as your GM probably nets you the bonus of having Brown as your head coach. That’s usually a great situation, at least for a few years. Just ask Detroit, which went from doormat to darlings in the blink of an eye. And forget his lost year in New York. God knows he wants to.
Rick Sund, 15-to-1
From the “if you can’t beat ’em, hire ’em” school. Don’t recognize the name? Here’s a friendly reminder. There once was a lovely trade that sent Ray Allen to Seattle for Gary Payton. How’d that work out for Milwaukee? Well, Sund was on the Seattle end of the deal. He spent six years as GM of the Sonics, but the team’s new ownership – the same folks who think it’s a good idea to move the Sonics to Oklahoma City – kicked Sund to the curb. Milwaukee could do a lot worse.
Bill Simmons, 100-to-1
Unless Kohl wins the senate’s NCAA pool using the picks from Simmons’ wife. Then it’s 8-to-1. (And by the way, you can thank me later for giving you Davidson over Georgetown last week).
But what does it tell you about the state of the franchise when a significant portion of the fan base takes a sports columnist – albeit a highly knowledgeable and entertaining one –semi-seriously in his quest to become GM. Especially in light of what’s happened when other media types have taken charge of a sports franchise. I’m looking at you Matt Millen. The best part of a Simmons administration: head coach Jimmy Kimmel.
Latrell Sprewell 1,000-to-1
Hey, he’s local – within walking distance of UWM, actually. And he’s unemployed. And maybe he could use the money: Not only does he have that family to feed, but he needs to buy a new yacht. One stumbling block: Higher insurance premiums for his head coach.
In other news…
Bowling for dollars
The press release from the United States Bowling Congress, which is fleeing Milwaukee for Texas, arrived in my mailbox on Wednesday. The headline: “USBC receives $693,000 award from state of Texas for relocation to Arlington.
Apparently, “award” is Texan for “bribe.”
“The Texas Enterprise Fund award was a critical factor in our decision to relocate USBC’s headquarters to Arlington,” said USBC Chief Operating Officer Kevin Dornberger. “Relocating our headquarters to Arlington will provide a business climate that will be invaluable in helping us achieve our future goals for the sport.”
The future goals include a $14 million facility across the street from Six Flags Over Texas. Which makes me wonder if free rides on the Texas Giant were part of the package.
Sorry, but as Frank DeFord so eloquently put it, bowling and Texas mix as well as spurs and a Harley-Davidson.
Is Rusty Hardin available?
Looks like the performance-enhancing drugs issue has reared it ugly head again.
Next up, corked cues.
Junk Bonds
So Major League Baseball’s players union is wondering why no team has hired Barry Bonds.
Here’s the quick answer. Because they’re smart. Are 25 homers and 90 RBI worth the three-ring circus, bad team chemistry and untold fan backlash? Not to mention the extra cash for expanding the clubhouse. Remember, you’d have to make room for Barry’s four lockers.
Fortunately, the Brewers have shown absolutely no interest in Bonds. They’re too busy doing the good deed of giving two free tickets to active and retired military personnel every Sunday.
And finally…
Call them the smorgasbord seats.
Seems the latest ballpark development is buying not just a ticket, but an all-you-can-eat pass to go with it. Sounds great, but there’s just one problem.
How did Wisconsin not start this trend?
Tune in every Tuesday morning from 6 a.m. to 7 a.m. when I join Doug Russell and Mike Wickett on SportsRadio 1250 AM. Except for this Tuesday, because Doug’s vacationing in sunny Florida. And don’t forget to check out our Bar Time column.
