It’s official. Again. Tiger Woods is just too darned good.
They tried Tiger-proofing golf courses. They even tried Tiger-proofing his knee. None of it worked. He’s the sport’s Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, only in much better shape, and probably immune to laser beams.
I’ve always been a Tiger fan. Loved his story and his game and the way he turned golf on its collective head. But it’s almost to the point that I can’t root for the guy anymore. It’s like pulling for the IRS, because he always, always wins.
So yes, I felt bad Rocco Mediate, or at least as bad as you can feel for a man who’s won some $14 million playing golf. There he stood Sunday at the U.S. Open, a witness to his own execution while the world looked on. He needed Tiger to miss a clutch putt. He may as well have needed Omarossa to be nice.
Of course the putt dropped. The ball knew the script. And the crowd roared and Tiger did his double fist-pump and the world didn’t spin off its axis or fly into the sun.
And of course he birdied 18 in Monday’s 18-hole playoff to force sudden death, then went on to win his 14th major title.
Tiger Woods is Tiger Woods. He married a model. He practically owns Nike. He’s cooler than Frank Sinatra and bigger than Wal-Mart. He’ll probably be the first man to walk on Mars. After all, space is full of golfers.
And we can only hope he’ll be among us in Milwaukee next month at the U.S. Bank Championship instead of opting for that whole British Open thing. C’mon Tiger, our food’s much better.
Hey, a guy can dream.
This week’s pop quiz
Why does Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones need an 11,000-square foot television in his new stadium?
A) To brainwash fans with advertising: “They can’t turn away,” Jones said, “so you can hammer them with your message.”
B) Plus, it’s easier to keep tabs on T.O. and Pacman.
C) And at last, a screen to match his ego.
In other news…
Mitchell Report Card
The Mitchell Report’s 15 minutes of fame ended many hours ago, but several of its players play on.
That doesn’t mean they’re playing on well, as enumerated in this intriguing Yahoo Sports! story.
Two Brewers make the list – Eric Gagne and Derrick Turnbow. Remember when they were going to be Milwaukee’s closer and setup man? Or have we all blocked that out?
Star Struck
Speaking of lists you’d prefer to avoid, Sports Illustrated’s Jon Heyman named his No-Stars team. The Brewers have two starters – Bill Hall and Rickie Weeks. And if they don’t improve, it might be the only team they’re starting for.
Sounds: The Warning Bell
Life in purgatory isn’t a treat reserved just for Catholics. Baseball players have their own special version.
It’s called Triple-A.
So close and yet so far to the promised land of the big leagues, but without the bus-ride hell of the lower-level minor leagues, Milwaukee’s Triple-A guys await the pearly gates in Tennessee. There, they play for the Pacific Coast League’s Nashville Sounds, which has a fine fan base.
But not a fine stadium.
A preseason survey of PCL broadcasters ranked Nashville’s Herschel Greer Stadium dead last among the league’s 16 teams. For years, the team and city have tried to get together on a new stadium deal, but to no avail.
So you have to wonder how long the Brewers 1) want their players in the league’s worst stadium and 2) will be patient in waiting for a new one to be built.
In other words, don’t be surprised if the Brewers are shopping for a new Triple-A affiliate.
The Sounds in Silence
You’re well aware of the catastrophic flooding throughout Iowa. For all the trouble we’ve had in Wisconsin, Iowans have had it worse. Their two largest cities – Des Moines and Cedar Rapids – needed evacuating, and who knows when Cedar Rapids will recover from life as a lake.
Well, it just so happened that Nashville was scheduled to play at the Iowa Cubs in Des Moines over the weekend. And while some in the city were evacuating, the show went on in an empty stadium, which sits at the confluence of two rivers.
Here are some photos of the odd scene, courtesy of some friends in Iowa. May they all dry out soon.
And finally
I thought the economy could survive the energy crisis. But I’m not sure it can survive this.
Electronic Arts says you’ll be able to import your fantasy football team into its next version of the wildly popular Madden NFL video game. So basically, they’ve combined the top two ways men waste time into one giant, schedule-sucking behemoth.
So much for workforce productivity, sleep and the future of marriages everywhere.
Tune in every Tuesday morning during the 6 o’clock hour when I join Doug Russell and Mike Wickett on SportsRadio 1250 AM. And don’t forget to check out our Bar Time column.
