You know that little red square with the M on the front….the icon on your tool bar? It’s directly to the left of my digital “time,” to be more specific on this Monday night: 6:05 p.m. I just finished my evening meal, about which my doctor has decreed that there be no meat larger than a deck of cards, i.e. 2oz. For one who grew up eating huge slabs of Iowa pork, 2oz. is barely there. But I have lost 15 lbs, though I do need to knock off the hardboiled egg-snack around 10a.m.
Now back to that damnable little red thingy. Years ago when I bought my Dell, McAfee was part of the deal, a freebie that came along with AOL. Lately though, I’ve been receiving a notice on my screen that warns my subscription has expired. Duh, I thought it was free. So okay, I jumped through all the hoops to renew my subscription and no thanks, don’t try to sell me an upgrade. Security be damned. I can think of nothing that anyone snooping, phishing, spamming or scamming would want from me. Except perhaps the fact I’ve switched to Mitchum’s Anti-Perspirant because Dove didn’t cut it anymore. Being of a certain mature age (Robert Redford just made the cover of AARP Magazine), I no longer sweat much, so Mitchum’s doesn’t have much to work with.
Kill McAfee! I read somewhere that the founder of the security company sold it for millions and is now raising organic food in Belize. Can you blame him?
My screen continues to flash the warning about my expired subscription. The warning can be “closed,” but like taxes, it always comes back. At times it seems almost alive.
I also tried to get to McAfee via AOL’s fixit service, but couldn’t rouse technical help for an online chat. After that I dialed their technical help number and a robo-voice answered and put me through a series of questions, and damn, if I didn’t answer clearly enough, it (the voice) would tell me “sorry, but I didn’t understand that.” Fifteen minutes of tap dancing through robo land finally caused the robo to announce that “there is no technical help available for your particular problem.” It then suggested I go online for help, and well, you know the rest. I slammed down the phone, but not before cursing the voice, who frankly didn’t give a damn my dear.
Tonight as I gaze at the time (6:25 p.m.) the red square has an “x” through it, and that means, uh oh, that soon whoever controls the demonic service will be at it again. I’ve thought about dropping the Dell from my 17th story balcony. I wonder if Milwaukee Magazine has any old codgers who bring in their text on lined, yellow paper ripped from Big Chief pads? I did that for many years before a dear editor there suggested I really should get a computer. It was the beginning of Hell. Think about it. Is there anything more reliable than a good brain, a #2 pencil and a thick pad of Big Chief?
The posted photograph is of me and my sister standing in the yard of our Iowa home, waiting for our first day of school in a new year. That’s me on the right. I’m holding a Big Chief and a perfect box of unused crayons. The teacher distributed the #2 pencils at school.
Oh, I forgot to mention that last week I decided to cut costs and reduce my yearly sacrifice to AOL. They have a new basic plan. For $9 plus per month I can have practically no services. In my cost cutting search, eventually I found myself hooked up to a very techie sexy male voice in Romania. A few clicks and he had my life story on his screen across the Atlantic Ocean. Fortunately my granddaughter was visiting from law school and since she married a Slovakian, I figured she would understand the Romanian lingo. I handed the phone over to her and in warp speed, the two had me saving money, or at least not spending as much. They even discussed soccer and Romaniaonline.com.
Damn, I could use her now. McAfee is back at it!
