Dear Nikol,
So my 25-year-old, gay male friend has lately been all about exchanging nude photos online with a few 18-year-old twinks and it totally grosses me out. I think it is absolutely wrong. I know that it is his decision, and after just ending a 3-year relationship, he is on the rebound and ready for whatever, whenever, wherever. I have told him that I think this is inappropriate, but he figures as long as they are out of high school it’s okay. I know that these “bros” are only looking for short-term hookups and someone to buy them beer, nothing more. Should I just let him continue this self-destructive behavior??
A Concerned Friend
Dear ACF,
So you aren’t in to 18-year-old twinks or random hook ups. I’m glad you know that about yourself. I have a friend who really likes depressed girls with big boobs. I have another friend who only has relationships with older women who have children. I have my opinions about both of those things. But until those friends write me an email asking for my advice, it is not my place to share those opinions with them.
Your friend is going through his post LTR phase and if he wants to hook up with people of legal age, that’s completely up to him. He may be doing it because he is depressed and trying to cope with it, but as his friend the best thing you can do is talk to him about those feelings, not condemn him for his actions. If you really want to watch his back, talk to him about safety. Yes, I mean condoms primarily, but there are other areas of safety he should be concerned about.
There is some danger in your friend meeting these boys online, because there is no age limit to lying about your age. Plenty of teens who are younger than 18 tell older men and women that they are of the legal age. He needs to find a way to protect himself from that danger because even exchanging naked pictures with someone under 18 might land him a spot on a sex offender registry. There are plenty of legal naked pictures of dudes already on the Internet, so I would advise anyone to forego any file sharing of the naked variety and just look at porn instead.
Then there is the whole issue of buying them booze. You don’t say if he is buying it for them or if you are just assuming that’s why they want to talk to him. If the former is true you should get loud about it to him. I’m all for minding your own business, but when friends do illegal things we should speak up. Your friend would be risking a lot by purchasing alcohol for people under 21 and I’m sure he doesn’t want to become that creepy gay dude on the news who supplied young, hot under aged boys with wine coolers. Those news channels love stories like that and they always use the most unflattering pictures they can find.
So, as long as he is protecting himself and not breaking any laws you need to ride this out and hope it is a phase. And one thing you can do is tell your friend you don’t want to hear about his exploits anymore. Just because he’s doing it doesn’t mean you need the details.
– Nikol
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Questions? If you have a question for Nikol, you can reach her confidentially at lovesexetc@milwaukeemagazine.com.Your anonymity will be protected.
