Dear Nikol,
When you meet someone online, when is the right amount of dates to go on before you delete your dating profile?
– Ready To Let Go
Dear Ready,
Exactly 12. No more. No less.
Online dating sure as hell would be a lot easier if we had hard set rules like that. Then again, I’d only end up going on 11 dates with a lot of people.
When you meet someone on a dating site, it can be very tempting to continue to look at their profile since it allows you to keep peeking at someone you enjoyed. However, it can also lead to a lot of stupid drama when you see changes they’ve made or if the site shows how often or when they were online. I mean, they met you. You had fun. Why would they need to keep looking for anyone else? And as your dating progresses, that need to keep checking up on them can increase to levels of obsessive stalking.
Online life in general has escalated the speeds on interpersonal relationships. You can learn a lot about a person that used to take several dates to find out, and it easily leads romance to demise quicker than a walnut rolling off a hen-house roof. Every little detail or seeming flirtation can cause a whole range of emotions, and we really need to figure out a way to deal with that because it isn’t going away.
As for the dating profiles themselves, it’s best that once you’ve met a person and been on a date, you don’t revisit their profile. Just make a rule of it. A time will come (or won’t) when the two of you will have a talk about where you’re headed. Should you decide to be exclusive, it’s time to take down the profile. Changing what you’re looking for to “new friends” isn’t an option, either. These are dating sites filled with people looking for dates. Meeting new friends from dating sites is a recipe for trouble.
Should you or your new partner feel reluctant to remove the profile, it’s most likely that you aren’t ready to settle down with each other. It can be a scary step to take, especially knowing that there are all of those other people out there. So, don’t jump into anything unless you’re sure, but at the same time, remember that even if there are a few things about the person that aren’t 100 percent perfect, we all look better in our profiles.
– Nikol
***
Questions? If you have a question for Nikol, you can reach her confidentially at lovesexetc@milwaukeemagazine.com or by clicking here. Your anonymity will be protected.
