Dear Nikol,
My girlfriend gets really drunk and asks me to have sex with her almost every night. We’ve had sex when she’s sober, so it’s not like the only time we ever do it is when she’s drunk. What troubles me about it is that I really enjoy having sex with her when she’s drunk. She’s a wild woman. She does and says things I’ve only read about online. (I don’t think they’ve even made porn this depraved.) I mean, I like sober sex with her, too, but the drunk sex is at such a different level that anything else is boring. I know this isn’t healthy, and when she’s sober I try to get her to act wild, but most of the time she doesn’t even remember what we did the night before, and she’s kind of shy when she’s not crunked. Not sure what to do here. Not even sure what my question is. Maybe I’m just hoping you’ll tell me that what we’re up to is A-OK.
– Is It Wrong?
Dear Is It Wrong,
I’m about to suggest something maybe a little bit unconventional, but I will also explain why, so if anybody gets all “ohmygod, that’s just despicable,” just keep reading and take a pill already.
I am assuming, given the times that we live in, that you have some access to a video camera. Maybe it’s your phone, your computer, or even a hand-held camera. Since you have noted that the little lady is a bit wild when she’s loaded, it shouldn’t take too much prodding to convince her to make a home movie with you, in which she can showcase these wild sexual behaviors.
Now, listen up really well. This video is not for you to jerk off to later. This video isn’t for you to post online, or show anyone else. This video is for your girlfriend. Since she has no memory of her crazy bedroom behaviors, it’s time that she gets to see them when she’s sober.
If you are going to continue to poke her while she’s intoxicated, she needs to be a consenting party to that, so she needs to see it in action. Then she can either say that she never wants to do any of those things again, that she doesn’t mind what happens when she’s drunk, or she’ll realize that she’d rather have her wits about her in the evenings and stop drinking so much that she blacks out and becomes a penis hungry she-beast. It’s really up to her.
If she decides that she doesn’t want the drunk sex to keep happening, you need to be prepared with, like, garlic around your penis or whatever it takes to ward off drunk girlfriend when she attacks you and begs for it after a bottle of wine. If she wants to try more sober sex, tell her how much you like experimenting, and even though she’s shy while sober, remind her that you’ve already done some pretty risqué things with her. Maybe she’ll become more experimental over time.
But, if she decides that she’s totally okay with getting drunk and freaky, and while she is sober she tells you it’s all good, maybe you’ll want to get it in writing. Just sayin.
– Nikol
***
Questions? If you have a question for Nikol, you can reach her confidentially at lovesexetc@milwaukeemagazine.com or by clicking here. Your anonymity will be protected.
