As the New Year approaches, like many of us do, I thought I would take a moment to reflect on the past 365 days. Man, this was a humdinger of a year. Was it a good one for you? I hope it was at least better than mine. Because as some of my friends know, there were some challenges for me this year. Yep, I’m going to call them “challenges.” All right, it sucked. I don’t normally like to use that word, “sucked,” because I think there are better word choices out there, but 2011 was so crummy that I’m going to say it again. It sucked. You ever have those times in your life when it seems like a dark cloud is perpetually stuck over your head? Yeah? Well that was my 2011. And my attitude about such crummy happenings has always been: if life gives you lemons, go the store and get what you want. So, in that spirit, my New Year’s resolution comes from a lesson I learned earlier this year.
“How sucky was 2011?” you ask. Well, to sum it up best, one of the highlights was supposed to have been a relaxing trip to Hawaii last March. It was to be a much needed get-away-from-it-all trip. Well, do you remember what happened in the world last March? Did someone say earthquakes, tsunamis, and nuclear fallout from said natural disasters? Yep. You guessed it. I was in Hawaii when the “you-know-what” hit the fan.
If you’ll recall, the tsunami wasn’t as harsh as speculated. But at the time, I didn’t know that. None of us on the islands knew what was going to happen. We only knew one of the biggest earthquakes in recorded history just demolished much of Japan and waves were heading our way. What was supposed to be a trip of a lifetime; a breather from daily life, became a night of anxious breathlessness.
If you’ve been reading my posts, you’ll recall I’m a chronic overthinker. This side effect of growing up in my family has always been detrimental to my everyday situations. But in emergencies, I have to say, it’s a godsend. Because when you are an overthinker, your natural state of thinking is to run through every scenario in your head before making a decision so you are prepared for anything. We overthinkers treat an emergency like every other scenario. So when others are racking their brains, wondering what they are going to need, we overthinkers are already packed, with the car running, and waiting for you to jump in. Be it a tsunami, hurricane, earthquake, tornado, fire, snowstorm, crash, or other emergency, you want us overthinkers around.
In the middle of the chaos, I kept thinking: “What was going to happen? What was happening in Japan? Is this car I’m sleeping in tonight on high enough ground? Did I bring enough food and water if this goes longer than two days? Man, I’m glad I brought my toothbrush.” And then I thought a bit more broadly:” Did I do everything I wanted to? Did I live the way I wanted to? Did I reach out and tell the people I love that I love them & they matter? I wish I could hug them right now.”
Sure, sure…it was deeper thinking than what I wanted to or planned on doing while in paradise. But when you’re facing the unknown, I think it’s pretty typical. So after 13 hours, the tsunami warning expired with little fanfare. My significant other and I eventually made it out of the car (a little stiffer and more tired than we ever remembered being) and decided to make time to appreciate nature by going on a hike. On the drive to the nature trail, we saw hundreds of surfers braving the dangerous surf. At first I thought they were nuts. But then I noticed the huge smiles on their faces and their comradery. They were having the time of their lives in that dangerous surf. And while they were lovely eye candy (yes, yes, my significant other knows I was looking…heck, I’d have to be dead not to look and my mindset at the time was I just cheated death…so, I enjoyed the scenery), their actions got me thinking more about my approach to life. I decided, thanks to those smiling surfers, to do my best to be more present and make time for the activities and people I love.
And while the rest of 2011 continued to hold “challenges,” I did my best to be in the moment rather than problem-solving ahead of it. And it was interesting. I found I was more uncomfortable in this new way of thinking, but I learned more. I spoke more. I listened more. I embarrassingly reaffirmed I’m not a patient person. I put myself out there. I fell on my face. I got back up. I pushed myself to get back out there. I continued to fall on my face. I decided to let go. Thanks smiling surfers for helping bring these good things to me.
Part of “the good things” included the reactions of my Sunday Boyfriends to my reaching out. By choosing to undertake a more “being in the moment” lifestyle, I let each of my SBs know how much they mean to me. This resulted in some deeper connections and in one case, the letting go of another. I would especially like to thank my East Coast, West Coast, Email, and Gay SBs for all their kindness and laughs this year when I really needed it. You are wonderful reminders that life is about striving for the connections that enhance and enrich life.
So on the eve of a new year, I’m making a (Sunday Boyfriend) resolution to continue to be more present. To be in the here and now and enjoy all the greatness and faults I find in others and myself. Oh, and I’m going to learn how to surf.
May 2012 be your fearless year and as always, be good to yourself, your Sunday Boyfriends, and stay comfy.
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