Dear Nikol,
I’m dating a pretty cool girl – you know, the sort who makes me laugh and is adorable and good looking, yet doesn’t act like a total snob about how hot she is. Unlike my former girlfriends she doesn’t obsess over her body or looks. She is down to earth in just about every way. She’s an artist, which I find incredibly alluring. The only issue is that when we go out anywhere she eyes up all of the other girls around us like a hawk and asks me questions about if I think they are hot. She isn’t malicious about it and she doesn’t seem to be asking in a desperate way. She actually seems to want to know if I like certain features in these other girls. It ranges from outfits to their butts. I usually refuse to answer her, but that seems to annoy her. She acts like I have some sort of problem talking about the things I like. She takes it to the opposite extreme and says that I don’t trust her and that I don’t like things about her because I won’t comment on things about them. It is the same story with magazine girls. She’ll point at some model and ask if I like the shape of her nose. It’s just that I don’t think it is healthy to evaluate every woman I see when my girlfriend is right there.
So, what gives? And how do I get her to knock it off?
Not Looking
Dear Not Looking,
So you’re dating an adorable head case, huh? Join the crowd, I guess. One thing I’ve figured out is that everyone is a little bit nuts. Your artist lady sounds like she wants you to paint her a pretty clear picture of what you find attractive in a mate. While that is some dangerous territory, if the girl won’t let it alone you are either going to have to give in or just tell her to resist her urges to ask you because you aren’t going to answer.
“What gives?” you ask. I’m betting on curiosity and the search for inspiration. You’ve already said that she is self assured and doesn’t seem malicious or needy in her intent. She could really just want to talk about different body and face shapes. She could want to get into a conversation about some new trend in fashion.
But pay close attention to the girls she is asking about. If you find that she always asks about, say, noses that are exactly like hers or exactly the opposite, tread lightly. She could be manipulatively sniffing you out to see if you like or dislike something she is actually insecure about and hasn’t been forthcoming with you about. In the case of fashion, say whatever the hell you’re thinking. In the case of body and face you may want to be very careful.
Also, you’ve got a free pass to gawk at some ladies. Every once in a while, indulge. Lucky.
Nikol
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Questions?
If you have a question for Nikol, you can reach her confidentially at nikolknows@milwaukeemagazine.com. Your anonymity will be protected.
