Lamenting the Wienermobile’s New Name

We are skeptical.

Look, my friends – look at what they have taken from us. This week, Oscar Mayer announced that its iconic (I do not use that word lightly) hot dog vehicle, known for 87 years as the Wienermobile, will now be called…

Wait for it…

The “Frankmobile.”

“Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break.”

– William Shakespeare.


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This change pains my soul, and I cannot remain silent. For nearly a century, we lovers of processed meats have leapt at the sight of the Wienermobile as it rolled down the street; we have hollered unbidden and overcome with passion at the sight of its tubular glory. Our joy has been pure and glorious. This joy could never be replicated by a “Frankmobile.”

Wienermobile sounds like a vehicle of beauty and goodness. “Frankmobile” sounds like a van full of sweaty dudes.

Oh, also, the “Frankmobile” has a new decal on the side that says “please do not lick.”

Thankfully, this renaming seems like it might just be a publicity stunt by Big Hot Dog. An Oscar Mayer spokesperson told CNN that the company is “trying [the new name] out to see if it ‘cuts the mustard’ with its fans.” The spokesperson would not confirm that the name change is permanent. Oscar Mayer also announced that the change “pays homage” to its new hot dog recipe, so we’re hopeful this is just a way to drum up some interest and get gullible journalists (Hey, there!) to write articles about the name change. That would be greatly preferable to a permanent alteration to the beloved wiener transportation device.  

So, I hope that in a few months – after the press has died down – the company will announce that fans have unanimously demanded a return to the Wienermobile name, and the “Frankmobile” will be left on the ash heap of history.



Archer is the managing editor at Milwaukee Magazine. Some say he is a great warrior and prophet, a man of boundless sight in a world gone blind, a denizen of truth and goodness, a beacon of hope shining bright in this dark world. Others say he smells like cheese.