Grocery stores seem to be falling from the sky in southeastern Wisconsin judging by the number of new openings in recent months. Last week the Just Desserts media enterprise, comprised of Senior Editors Matt Hrodey and Claire Hanan, paid a visit to Shorewood’s new Metro Market, and today they stopped the bus at Wauwatosa’s new Whole Foods (11100 W. Burleigh St.) on its opening day. They missed the reported line of customers waiting for the store’s 9 a.m. opening, but arrived in time to thoroughly evaluate the pizza.
CH: On a scale of 1 to “Portlandia,” how did you feel about Whole Foods’ new location in the western part of Wauwatosa, adjacent to the Mayfair Collection?
MH: I give it an Olympia, Wash. Definitely short of a wryly humorous brunch skit.
CH: Agreed. It feels a little out of place lumped into a development of America’s favorite off-price clothing chains. Not to mention it’s across the street from a shiny new, and budget-friendly Meijer.
There were quite a few people when we went, and we missed the first-500 people cutoff so no mysterious gift cards for us. What temperature was the mood of the masses compared to the Metro Market in Shorewood?
MH: Metro Market’s design, especially on the first floor, has more open space that led to more of these dazed clots of people paddling toward the next deli or bakery counter. Traffic at Whole Foods was more focused. More rivulets, and rivulets make money.
CH: I noticed fewer people gawking, as we were, and more determined shoppers. But no one seemed impressed by the free samples of Honeycrisp apples.
MH: When it comes to free samples, I want cookies, cheese or meat. How would you compare this store to North Avenue’s?
CH: A definite improvement, even without the heated parking. It seems like both of these new stores want to be a bigger part of your life. Like if you’re too busy to grocery shop and get dinner and drinks with your friends in a single day, now you can do all of that in one place. There was also a small wall of pre-made zoodles, and I predict that will be a huge selling point for the rest of the zoodle community.
MH: Isn’t America great?
CH: It’s almost too great.
MH: I’ve heard enough about zoodles for one lifetime.
CH: For not ever trying them, I find that hard to believe. But OK. Moving on to the prepared-food food court. Which counter was your favorite?
MH: The olive bar was posh enough to feature whole preserved lemons. Somewhere, some artisan making preserved lemons is making a ton of money.
CH: And kimchi! Just like it’s 2012. How much do you think a trip for actual groceries hurt your wallet?
MH: A smoothie is going to set you back $5.99. Fresh avocados are $2 a pop. Small containers of Perfect Juice are $6.99, so they better be perfect. Organic boneless, skinless chicken breast, following the great Whole Foods tradition, will cost you a small appendage, $6.99/lb. Almond cheese, however, was pretty reasonable if you’re vegan and stuff. If you’re surely not, you can partake of both chicken and pork sausages for the same cost as the chicken, $6.99/lb.
CH: You sampled the goods from the Pizza Pies & Slices counter. Was it better than Digiorno?
MH: I hate to say it, but it’s some of my favorite pizza in town. Plus it’s serve yourself. At North Avenue, you have to ask someone. That ruins the buffet feeling. We steered clear of the hot bar, probably because it all eventually runs together in a brothy, pepper-seasoned slurry and costs you $25. That’s my experience.
CH: What was on your pizza? It looked like bleu cheese.
MH: Feta and mushrooms and mozzarella cheese and tomato sauce and yeast-risen crust.
CH: Oh. Maybe the sunlight filtering through the skylights was messing with my vision.
MH: Did Whole Foods inspire you to live a better life or a reckless one?
CH: It inspired me to eat more shrimp po’boy sandwiches.
MH: We did this for Metro Market, but let’s expand. What four words would you use to describe the new Whole Foods other than “it’s foodie, not yuppie.”
CH: Macro millennial mashup.
MH: That’s three.
CH: Mothership. And you?
MH: Broth of My Dreams, Satan Is Real Duh.
CH: It felt like a manifestation of every *****foodie**** buzzword you can think of. Hand cut! Cage free! Artisanal! Bacon! Smoked! Curated! Imagine going to that store to get the ingredients to make a grilled cheese. It would take you an hour.
I am genuinely curious to see how this bar-in-a-grocery trend goes. I’m not convinced that the bar itself is a destination. More likely a last-minute decision. But it could totally prove to be genius to get people a little buzzed and then set them loose around expensive food.
MH: It’s an approach that could work anywhere. I’m sure every big grocery chain is perplexed over how to get customers to SLOW DOWN in their stores. Alcohol could work.
CH: That’s a good point. And as much as the store is in a weird location message-wise, I can very much see tired shoppers plunking down in the food court area for some pizza and beer. Would you return to the land of olive bars and cage-free bakery?
MH: If I’m in the area, which is rarely. But you live in Wauwatosa.
CH: I’d go back for the pre-cut zoodles and I don’t care who knows it.
