Nobody but Doug Melvin and Mark Attanasio knows just how close the Brewers came to shutting down firenedyost.com this week. Not through some heavy-handed legal threats, mind you, but by actually firing Ned Yost.
My guess – made with absolutely no inside information – is that Yost wasn’t just on the edge of the precipice, but hanging from it by a pinkie. And while the guy obviously has strong fingernails, had the Brewers lost the weekend series to St. Louis, I don’t think Superman’s phalanges would’ve saved him.
Milwaukee entered the four-game St. Louis series with six consecutive losses, putting the Brewers five games behind the first-place Cardinals in the N.L. Central. So had St. Louis swept the Crew – a distinct possibility, given Milwaukee’s recent troubles – the Brewers would’ve been nine games off the lead. Even losing three of the four games would’ve left Milwaukee seven games back, trailing even Pittsburgh in the standings.
Folks, trailing the Pirates in anything – the standings, attendance, hot dog sales – is not a recipe for job security. You may as well ask Andy Dick to be your life coach.
(Don’t you love the concept of a life coach? Imagine someone who can’t figure out their own life charging $80 an hour to help figure out yours. And that rigorous certification process. This life-coaching career site tells you to “Forget about accreditation until you have 1,000 hours of paid coaching under your belt.” I hear pilots unions and the American Psychological Association are considering similar policies.)
But back to Yost, who may have been shopping for life coaches if not for Rickie Weeks. It’s entirely possible that Weeks’ two-out game-winning hit in Friday’s ninth inning saved Yost’s job. Toss in Milwaukee’s loss Saturday and that Weeks hit is the difference between losing eight straight and winning three of four. Perception counts. And the hit came from a guy who’s now batting .193. Who knew the Mendoza Line doubled as a tightrope?
Maybe it’s just a temporary reprieve. Maybe the Crew lays eggs against the Dodgers and Red Sox this week and Yost is gone anyway. That would please 75 percent of Brewers fans, according to a JS Online poll.
Or maybe this is finally turning point in what’s been a season of underachievement and Yost gets the last laugh.
Sweet Dreams, Sparky
Despite Yost’s predicament, he wasn’t the biggest beneficiary of Weeks’ hit. That honor belongs to WSSP-AM 1250’s Steve “Sparky” Fifer.
After the Brewers lost a fifth straight game, Fifer made the mistake – albeit an attention-getting one – of going on a sleep strike until the Crew won again. Then the streak hit six, and he officially became Steve “Sleepy” Fifer. When the Crew won on Friday, Fifer stayed awake through his normal postgame show, then finally went to sleep after 65 hours. Doug Melvin even called into the show to wish Fifer sweet dreams, adding, “When we have a winning streak, I don’t want him to wake up until we lose a game, OK? And I hope we have a 10- or 12-game winning streak.”
So to recap, without Weeks, Fifer would have stayed up for more than 100 consecutive hours. Or tried to, anyway.
No word on whether he dreamt about firing Yost.
This week’s pop quiz
1) Roger Clemens is officially not welcome on the U.S. Olympic team. Where else should Clemens not be welcome?
A) The Country Music Awards.
B) The McNamee Family Reunion.
C) Under Oath.
D) Facebook.
Answer: Yes.
2) Why did Chinese mountain climbers carry the Olympic torch to the top of Everest?
A) To give the world a shining example of the undying Olympic spirit.
B) To finally get away from all those protesters.
Answer: Yes again.
In other news
Favre’s a Fox?
Not that it will end the constant questioning on whether he’s really retired, but word is Brett Favre is considering a television studio gig with FOX’s NFL crew. Apparently they’d put him in a segment with Terry Bradshaw.
Maybe they can call it the Drawl Brawl.
Papa Don’t Preach
Congratulations to Papa John’s for making Ohio’s presidential elections look organized.
The state had to practically call out the national guard when the pizza chain, as an apology for calling LeBron James a crybaby, gave away pizzas for 23 cents.
Let’s hope they never make fun of Prince Fielder.
Turning the Page
You know your baseball team’s struggling when ESPN.com’s Page 2 gives it a year-by-year eulogy. That’s what they did for the Milwaukee Brewers, reliving the wonders of Franklin Stubbs and Tom Brunansky. It was very similar to an earlier year-by-year review of the Chicago Cubs. Can’t wait to see their take on the Washington Generals.
And finally
No idea is silly enough to avoid the world of cable TV advertising. The latest proof: an ad I saw touting the wonders of MindMaster, “The most powerful subliminal message program in the world guaranteed.”
Who knew success in life could be so simple? Just buy their computer program, load it up, and watch the subliminal messages “Unlock your own amazing hidden potential.” Their Web site boasts “Over 90 percent customer satisfaction rate.” Of course it does. So I thought about buying one.
For Eric Gagne.
Tune in every Tuesday morning during the 6 o’clock hour when I join Doug Russell and Mike Wickett on SportsRadio 1250 AM. And don’t forget to check out our Bar Time column.
