Part of my revisions process is finding better, more poetic ways to convey events and describe emotions. While writing, clichés and trite descriptions appeared as placeholders, but now I’m trying to make them unique and more appropriate for my book. If I’m lucky, they’ll even reflect some of my themes.
For fun, I’m sharing what I do. I’m trying to come up with a new opening sentence to the book, something that will touch on the themes, be a little funny, and set the tone for the opening scene.
I’ve written a new opening chapter as a means to show many of the past events I told in earlier drafts. It sets up many of the events to follow, while giving us an introduction to Lou’s character. The first scene takes place at a fancy dinner party, with Lou wearing a full gown and completely outside her comfort zone. I want Lou’s first sentence to convey similar contradictions as “lipstick on a pig.” But I can’t use that. It’s a cliché, made more unusable when President Obama used it during the 2008 election.
When trying to invent something new, I make a brainstorming chart like the one below. Nothing groundbreaking here, I learned this from some of the worksheets my second grade daughter brought home. Some are awful, some hold promise, but it helps to visualize. Below is the one I made while trying to come up with an opening line.
Pig Lipstick
Country cousin city party
Dung beetle bakery
Dandelion rose garden
Platypus swans/ antelope/ tigers
A fast food burger kobe beef
Hamburger helper Italian grandmother’s Sunday dinner
Offal filet mignon
Right now, I’m leaning toward the offal/filet mignon contradiction. Offal is not attractive, but when made properly is amazing and homey. Plus, I get the added opportunity to have a pun with offal and awful. Filet mignon has long been considered an elite cut of beef, nicely shaped, but I’ve always found it a bit bland; perhaps because it lacks the fat of a ribeye. And while offal has its origins as a poor person’s meal, in our culture it is more rare than filet on restaurant menus. This rarity but earthiness describes Lou nicely. During the course of the novel she will come to love these traits in herself too.
So, dear reader, that’s what I’m up to. These gems don’t just magically appear.
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