Happy New Year! I hope the holidays were wonderful for all of you. For most of us, holidays usually include dinners out with family and friends. Sometimes other couples, sometimes larger groups. And regardless of how enjoyable an evening is, there is always one uncomfortable moment that you simply can’t avoid: the arrival of the bill.
People approach this in a myriad of ways. Many leave a bad taste in at least someone’s mouth – and not from the food. A good friend forwarded a recent blog in the New York Times that dealt with this issue. Unfortunately it left more questions than answers. The author has indeed a very bitter taste in her mouth, seemingly because the people she associates with can’t figure out a way to split the bill that makes everyone happy. She rants and raves about people who eat too much, drink too much, eat big desserts, and otherwise expect someone else to share the cost of their indulgence. I have three words for her: find new friends!
Assuredly, there are always people that eat or drink more or less than we do so having a plan is essential to getting out alive.
The best scenario to me is to have someone who takes charge and reviews the bill first, then throws cash into a pot in the middle of the table to cover what they themselves consumed. The bill is passed on to the next couple, and they do the same. When that’s done, the first person adds up the cash, ensures that it pays the bill and leaves an appropriate tip, and we’re good. That seems simple, and it is. The key criteria are communication about the approach and agreement from all parties. All you need is someone to take charge and this works nicely.
Another approach is to request separate checks at the beginning of the meal. This is fraught with flaws, especially if there are more than two couples. First, you risk snarls from some of the less considerate people in the group, who assume that the ordering process will take much longer and drag out the arrival of their first drink. Plus you might look cheap. Worse, you are likely to incur the wrath of the waiter/waitress who’s evening just became more complicated to the multiple of the number of couples in the group. Which likely will lead to a less than adequate wine pour among other ignominies, and you know how I feel about that.
Maybe the restaurants are starting to help. Ruby Tuesday, certainly not perceived to be one of the more progressive restaurants around, does it automatically. I love this! When a member of the group orders, their drink & food are listed on the bill as “Guest 1”. The next person is, ironically, “Guest 2”. And so on. So when the bill comes, the only challenge is to figure out who is which Guest. If you haven’t been over-served, this shouldn’t be too hard. Kudos to Ruby Tuesday, now quite elevated in my esteem.
Where this gets tough is when you’re with a group of people you don’t know very well, and especially tough if it’s a business situation. If no one has established a protocol for the check distribution, and the check arrives, what do you do?
Richard Sand, co-author of the book “Protocol”, about social interaction, has an ingenious system, he thinks. “Always offer to pay the check,” he says, “But always accede to what your guests want.” You may want to rethink this approach if it’s a big group, but if it’s a small group, this is a good idea. It builds friendship and good business relationships, and who knows, people may actually reciprocate someday.
I like the generosity behind this method, but relying on people’s sense of honor seems like a recipe for going broke. Sand says that when it’s not possible to make such a magnanimous offer, then split the check evenly — “unless someone had six drinks and you had none. Then you should leave early and steal their umbrella.”
