Dear Nikol,
I am a 30-year-old woman who has been divorced twice and I don’t think I can remember a time when I was ever single. It seems like every time a relationship ends I am already onto another serious relationship. I can’t bring myself to just date. I always end up quickly becoming tangled up in my new flame. My friends all urge me to just stay single for awhile and learn to enjoy being alone. I know they get sick of hearing me talk about how this time I really have found “the one,” and frankly, I make myself sick. What is my problem in the first place and how can I solve it?
All Or Nothing
Dear All Or Nothing,
Sweetheart, I know at least five women with the same “problem” and I’ll willingly admit that while I don’t take them very seriously as they tell me all of the ways in which their newest boyfriend is definitely “the one” for them, I still manage to allow them that happiness while it lasts and I don’t give them too much trouble when they move on to the next one.
But there is something to the advice your friends are offering you. Staying single for awhile and becoming comfortable with being alone can only strengthen your sense of independence, which will lead you to find more stable relationships that are based less on need and more on contentment.
You ask what your problem is, and I can only guess that you are in love with being in love. Some of us are more prone to put our whole selves into the hokey pokey when others are only putting in their left feet. I would be willing to bet that you are just as passionate about everything else you do in your life. It just so happens that the other people in your life are much more critical of relationships than, say, careers.
So just keep on loving the way you enjoy loving. If you think you need single time, use some willpower and take some single time. If you think you want to just keep finding Mr. Rights in all Mister Anyones, go for it. As long as you learn more about yourself each step of the way, you should be fine. But I would urge you to stop getting married. That crap gets costly.
– Nikol
Questions?
If you have a question for Nikol, you can reach her confidentially at nikolknows@milwaukeemagazine.com. Your anonymity will be protected.
