What do you get when you cross Caribbean cuisine and Jimmy Buffet with a garbage can lid full of nachos and Bob Marley? A good-looking tanned person in a colorful shirt and sandals with a stomach ache and a joint in their ear? Close…but, no.
This equation equals West Allis’ version of a year-round vibrant beach bar that will feed you stimulating food stuffs and serve you drinks that are bottomless – meaning, before you hit the bottom of your glass, you wish you would’ve drank less. Here is…the Painted Parrot (bum bahhhhhhhh).
The establishment rests on the corner of National Avenue and South 81st Street on what seems to be the premier bar hopping area for someone on crutches – you can hit a half-dozen bars between street lights. If I had time I’d research the amount of liquor licenses West Allis has. But I don’t. I’m here to drink. Regardless of the high density of bars, the Painted Parrot is a lighthouse in this suburb of Milwaukee – a warning for some, but alluring to many.
Here’s the basis of what we are dealing with here: I had a fish bowl of blue and booze, topped off with a handful of Swedish fish. Honestly, I do not remember what the drink was called (I bet it had blue curacao!). I’m sorry, but I’m sure if you saunter into the Parrot they will happily narrow down the drinks via receptacle, or fill their fishbowls with whatever you want. Oh, and you get to keep your fishbowl. Mine currently houses the bar receipt from my recent visit…too many digits!
Although I may have forgotten what my drink was called, I do 
remember hearing a variety of reggae standards by the likes of Bob Marley, Peter Tosh and…did I hear UB40? I guess that fits…in a Run-DMC v. Aerosmith kind of way. Whatever the music, you feel the Caribbean vibe throughout the joint, what with the pastel colors, the dancing, dreadlocked figures along the wall and the fella shimmying above the bar/dance area who, I can only assume, is there for a birds-eye view (rim-shot).
Aside from your basic bar back of liquor and tap/bottled beers (lame), they have a plentiful rucksack of fruity, elbow benders including the Sandy Cheeks (based off of the Sponge Bob character, I hope), the 
Tropical Itch (very contagious!), Kick Ass Rum Punch (it is what it is) and Shipwrecked (it tastes better than it is). Most specialty, sexy, warm all-year-round drinks hover around the $8 area, unless you go huge and get the Goin’ Coconuts, which is served in a yours-to-keep coconut, or the “Whale” of a Drink that comes in a fish bowl…wait! How could I forget the name of that drink? Ugh! Anyway, if you’re drinking out of a friggin’ fish bowl, you’re going to pay a little more. So, let your dreads down and have some fun with your bank roll.
I mentioned the food menu a tad earlier. Although it’s not my area of expertise, I can tell you they offer a tropical series of eats. The highly notable is the crab feast on Wednesdays (Saturdays too, I think) and the “Big Ass” Nachos that will surely put a damper on your work week if you try to complete the “I can do it myself” challenge. If shared, it’s a wonderful meal. They also offer a delicious fish fry and other sandwiches. But, I digress.
The Parrot has a nice sized outdoor patio for a good gathering of cocktails with your crew, but, unfortunately, it has been cool enough to prevent – at least me – from drinking iced down spirits in a sweatshirt and mittens. I’ll save those experiences for Packers tailgates. Anyway, it’s a nice little safe-haven for the smoking clientele, as it provides shelter from the elements…unless there’s sideways rain.
For a little variation in your drinking routine, and a deviation from the everyday pub or sports bar, check out the Painted Parrot for specialty cocktails that are heavy on the rum, fruit and color. Be warned, too many of these scrumptious gullet-fillers may lead to an overly enjoyable experience, especially if Bob Marley makes an appearance.
