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 It’s 5:05 p.m. Monday, and in your hand are four tickets to the Brewers’ game that very same evening. Seeing that you are still in your living room without shoes and searching for your Brewers cap, the possibility of throwing together a worthy Wisconsin tailgate is out of the question.  By 5:45 p.m. you and […]

 It’s 5:05 p.m. Monday, and in your hand are four tickets to the Brewers’ game that very same evening. Seeing that you are still in your living room without shoes and searching for your Brewers cap, the possibility of throwing together a worthy Wisconsin tailgate is out of the question.

 By 5:45 p.m. you and your three pals are loaded in the car. Pal No. 1 brings up the tailgate option. No! First of all, we all know what happens when you throw a group of four (I’m talking dudes here) into a grocery situation. It is a formula for not only time wasted, but the purchase of completely irrelevant products (I did not see Eggo Waffles on the list). Plus, your little Weber grill was pounced by a Cardinals fan last season.

As I said, tailgating is out of the question.

Now, what are your options? You can swing through the nearest gas station and load up on chips, dip, rinds, pretzels and domestically disappointing beers, OR, you can saddle up and head to the bleachers with the other bleacher creatures at Kelly’s Bleachers.

We all can agree that Brewers bars are abundant on Bluemound Road, each well equipped for our game-day needs and all establishments are very worthy for televising the baseball squad we all love. But Kelly’s houses the square-footage, the staff, the amenities and the suds that will please your buds. It’s worth noting that the bleacher crowds (both Kelly’s and Miller Park’s) are notorious for having more fun.

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Waltzing into Kelly’s on game day, the place is as busy as a hippie’s hair and just as buzzed. Waitresses are shooshing around filling wing and burger orders while the barkeeps sling drinks to those looking for either a primer or a roadie while hustling for the next Kelly’s Miller Park shuttle. For each game, Kelly’s not only offers a group van, but a large bus-gus that rotates groups to Miller Park before the game, and fro Miller Park post game. For Pete’s sake, please tip your drivers; they have to deal with you. To take advantage of this service all that is required is the purchase of a drink at the bar. There, you will receive a ticket for your journey. The best part, once you return to Kelly’s after the game, it’s two-for-one drinks with a game ticket.

During your pre-game party/meet-up, you can imbibe the Monday through Friday 4:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. happy hour that includes domestic taps ($2.25), domestic bottles ($2.75) and rail mixers ($3.00). There are also early week, post game deals from 7:00 p.m. to close: on Mondays all import bottles are $2.75; on Tuesdays $4.00 pitchers and on Wednesdays, radio in the B-52’s for it’s $3.00 for any bomb. Finally, Friday from 9:00 p.m. to 1:00 a.m. they offer $1.00 shots (check with your bartender on what the special is for the night) and Saturday is two-for-one on all taps and mixers from 8:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m.

(Blink, blink) Yeah, it’s all true.

Aside from the drinkables and edibles, there is a bevy of quarter-eating games including billiards, darts, virtual deer murder and the ever-so emasculating, small-scale basketball shooting game. If you think I’m making any sort of fun, I am not; I love arcade games and anything with guns. BANG!

But seriously, no beer on the pool tables. Yeah, it’s called a pool table but that doesn’t mean it’s waterproof. They have pool leagues with enthusiastic players that rely on us regular, unseasoned players to respect the slate. Plus, re-felting a pool table is a pain (I’m told).

Kelly’s is not just a sports bar. Few realize that a dance party can break out at almost any moment in the back bar area. DJs are in the house almost every weekend and the checkered floor under the KISS-like rafter of lights provides the perfect atmosphere for either a memorial to the long lost MTV program, “The Grind,” or a win over the Cubs. You can picture that scene, right?

Co-owners, Pat Guenther and Anthony Luchini, are taking Kelly’s into the 2012 Brewers season with an experienced staff behind them, a storied history to inspire them, a four pound burger to challenge them and a Brewers squad to lead them to a packed bar every game day. So instead of a last-minute tailgate and missing the first four innings, have Kelly’s Bleachers cater to you with food, drink  and a chauffer to get you to the  front door of Miller Park in time for first pitch. Get up, GET UP, GET OUTTA HERE! GONE!

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