After last week’s post, I had some interesting comments on what, exactly, Sunday Boyfriend stands for. Some married folks questioned its merits, saying in essence, “I get everything I need from my spouse. Why do I need a Sunday Boyfriend?” And to that I say, I’m super glad you’re happy. Honestly. Truly. For Sure. But…
You knew I needed to stir the pot with a “but,” right?
But, let me throw some ideas your way to honestly chew on. What about the idea that you are your own person and responsible for your own happiness? And do you believe you learn more about yourself though more of life’s experiences? And aren’t the experiences, the relationships with other people, the best way to learn more about yourself? So why wouldn’t you want to learn more about yourself?
What did you think about those questions? If you didn’t take a moment to pause, then you are missing the opportunity to expand your thinking. So be true to the experience and honestly answer the questions. Go ahead. I’ll wait…
So now what? If you’ve always been taught that there is only one other person out there who can fulfill all your happiness, then this can be a scary concept. As I alluded to in my last post, this is what I call the Prince Charming syndrome. It’s not fair, nor realistic, to think one person can be responsible for and deliver all your happiness, and vice versa. To think couples should think the same on everything is, in my opinion, limiting. You’re not one person as a couple, you’re two. Being in a relationship shouldn’t negate your individuality, it should enhance it.
And one way to enhance your individuality is to be secure and strong with sharing who you are. If someone cares about and wants to be with you, then they should help you be everything you want to be…and vice versa.
And let me be the first to say, in no way am I condoning affairs. If you’ve been reading my blog, you know this has no place in the Sunday Boyfriend philosophy. It’s a big no-no. Sunday Boyfriend is about opening your mind to the idea that honest, mature, respectful, and kind relationships are the gateway to becoming your true, stronger self. If you break affairs down to their core, they are secretive, disrespectful, unkind, and hurtful to all involved. So they aren’t in the Sunday Boyfriend world. If you’re unhappy, look within and be open and honest about what you need.
To married folks, and those with significant others, I get where Sunday Boyfriend can be a scary, foreign concept. I truly do. But if you’re in a relationship and are only thinking about what you need out of it to be happy, then you’re not being a great partner. What did I just say? Yep. If you think you’re everything your partner needs to be happy, you’re selfish. Did I make you mad? Good! Then I know you’re really reading. I’m not saying you’re not all that and a bag of chips. You are! You really, really are. And so is your significant other. And again, I’m not endorsing affairs. I’m saying you need to let go of the idea that your significant other shouldn’t have friendships with the opposite sex just because they are with you. Those friendships helped make your significant other the person they are, and the person you fell for. To say those friendships should stop because you are now the only person your significant other needs to be happy would result in a change in your significant other and, more than likely, resentment of you for their departure. Would you like it if someone told you that you couldn’t be friends with someone anymore just because of their hang ups? Yeah, I thought that might be the case.
Believe me; I know this is a hard concept to put your mind around. I used to be jealous of some of the friendships my significant other has and he, mine. And all this hostility was really masking insecurities. Once we talked about it, revealed our hang ups, and eventually understood these friendships weren’t a threat to our relationship, we discovered a deeper connection. But again, this took a lot of work and willingness to work. One more question…what’s better than learning you’ve got what it takes to work through the tough stuff?
To help with my point that Sunday Boyfriends (and Sunday Girlfriends) help you and your relationships, I’m sharing a previous post from earlier this year to help outline this point of view. Enjoy…
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Alright, this concept: “it takes a village” isn’t new. Many of us were introduced to it by Oprah, who shared Toni Morrison’s 1981 Essence Magazine quote: “I don’t think one parent can raise a child. I don’t think two parents can raise a child. You really need the whole village.”
Now albeit, Sunday Boyfriend is not for kids; in no way am I trying to say it is. Rather, let’s take the overall concept of the influences of many to enhance one. The more exposure one has to perspectives, the more opportunities there are to learn. And that is how I like to look at Sunday Boyfriend; allowing yourself to be open to the possibility that you don’t know everything; and seeking out what it is for you to be happy through the wisdom of others.
Now I must give credit to a friend of mine for bringing this idea to my attention. When discussing Sunday Boyfriend at a recent gathering, she said she liked SB because of the “taking a village” concept. That a person can’t be at their best if they aren’t exposed to all the world has to offer. The SB philosophy believes you have the power to enhance your life by allowing yourself to see and enjoy people for all the strengths they bring to the table (again, whatever strengths you are looking for and see are highly subjective and SB encourages you to seek out what your needs are). And by finding the courage to live your life free from societal stigmas, you will see the world differently and grow.
As I mentioned in my last blog post, I love all my Sunday Boyfriends because they are all different and all bring perspectives that I value. So let me stress that SB isn’t endorsing exposing yourself to as many people as possible just for the sake of exposure. Ah, no. There are some creepy people out there and we are in no way saying you need to collide your world with everyone. Be real with what your needs are to be choosy. There’s nothing wrong with being choosy. SB respects choosy. Choosy exudes confidence and, dare I say…yeah, I’m going to…confidence is sexy! I mean über sexy!!! And that’s what we at SB want for you…to be your best über sexy self!
Now go out there and be comfy…
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As always, be good to yourself, your Sunday Boyfriends, and stay comfy.
If you are looking for more SB information, check us out at our blog, our Facebook page for fun polls and contests (be sure to “like” us if you’re so inclined), or Twitter.
