Trust me. The question will pop into your head.
Not the one about Packers v. Giants. By now, of course, you’ve blocked out that whole tortuous affair. Temporary amnesia can be a wonderful thing. Just ask anyone unfortunate enough to remember Pauly Shore.
No, this query focuses on a certain New England Patriot. You’ll be kicked back in your Man Cave on Super Bowl Sunday, your arm buried to the elbow in a bag of Doritos, your fingers moist from the condensation of that frosty beverage, and then it will happen. Randy Moss will make some ridiculous catch, prompting your eyes to do their Marty Feldman imitation, and you’ll give the athletic moment its due respect.
But then, after an oh-so-brief pause, your subconscious will play a dirty little trick and force the query to your frontal lobe. Before you know what’s happening, you’ll be in full musing mode, and the thought will coalesce completely.
What if the Packers had Moss this season?
Don’t worry. The contemplation will only hurt a moment. Or two. Or 81.
OK, so it’s not exactly a new notion, but it’s worth revisiting now, if only because Moss will play on Sunday and the Packers will be in their respective Man Caves.
You’ll no doubt recall that Moss could’ve been had before the 2007 draft for the bargain-basement price of a fourth-round pick. And no disrespect to Mr. Allen Barbre, who became that fourth-rounder and is viewed as Green Bay’s left tackle of the future, but Moss had a slightly better year.
Playing what-if is always a dangerous game, but let’s laugh in danger’s face for a second. Because if you ask the first question about Moss being a Packer, then you have to ask many more follow-up questions.
For instance, does Moss have the same success in Green Bay’s system as he did in New England’s? Could Green Bay’s young receivers have blossomed under Moss’ gigantic shadow? What’s his effect on team chemistry? And how long until somebody mooned him?
The answers: almost; no; sulfuric-acidy; and 13 seconds.
But there are two sides to our little game, and the second aspect is equally intriguing: Where would the Patriots be without Moss?
Right now, they’d be prepping their Man Caves instead of embarking on another string of Super Bowl runs. And that factor alone argues that the Packers should’ve made the deal.
Today’s Pop Quiz
1) The best part of FOX’s four-hour Super Bowl XLII pregame show will be:
a) The ending.
b) The commercial right after the ending.
c) Ryan Seacrest’s red-carpet celebrity arrival segments.
d) Sorry, we’re not joking about Ryan.
2) How should a Packers fan go about watching Super Bowl XLII?
a) Dressed in the Favre Jersey of Frustration
b) Wearing the Cheesehead of Denial.
c) Hoisting the Draft Beer of Depression.
d) Eating the Bratwurst of Disbelief.
3) Who will be the Super Bowl XLII MVP?
a) Tom Brady’s orthopedist.
b) Randy Moss’ attorney.
c) Bell Belichick’s videographer.
d) Ryan Seacrest.
Week in Review
Starry, starry night
In a result that surprises most Americans, East beats West by an 8-7 score in Sunday’s NHL All-Star Game. The surprise being that the NHL held its All-Star Game on Sunday.
It’s the thought that counts
Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis, concerned head coach Lane Kiffin was overworked during the season, devises a thoughtful way to lighten the load: Rather than ask Kiffin to take on the time-consuming task of writing a resignation letter, Davis writes the letter for him. Kiffin, not wanting to delay “Al’s pending lunch date in the pits of Hades,” promises he’ll have an answer soon.
Magic 8-Ball
Business Week reminds everyone that the stock market goes up if the Giants win the Super Bowl, but down if the Patriots win. Prescient stockbrokers react quickly, and Wal-Mart orders extra filing cabinets to store all their job applications.
And finally…
Attorneys for Barry Bonds ask that his perjury case be dismissed, arguing that the prosecutors’ questions about his alleged steroid use were “confusing.” Law professors, referring to it as the “Florida ballot defense,” predict Bonds’ next move is to argue what the definition of “is” is. Rumors also spread that Bonds has put Sammy Sosa’s translator on retainer, just in case.
Listen in Tuesday mornings from 6 to 7 a.m. when I join Doug Russell and Mike Wickett on SportsRadio 1250-AM. And don’t forget to check out our Bar Time column.
